REMINDERS:

Fall Equinox Tue, Sep 23 - 5 days

Columbus Day Mon, Oct 13 - 25 days
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JOKES:
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A golfer hits a wicked slice off the tee that ricochets through the trees and into the next fairway narrowly missing another golfer.

When the first golfer gets to his ball he is greeted by his unintended victim who angrily tells him of the near miss.

"I'm sorry, I didn't have time to yell fore,"
says the first golfer.

"That's funny," replies the second, "you had plenty of time to yell 'SHIT!'"
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I had forgotten to get my estrogen patch prescription refilled, and soon the symptoms of menopause--hot flashes, forgetfulness, and irritability returned.

At the drugstore, I found myself telling the pharmacist all about my problems. After listening patiently, he asked, "So, how many people asked you to get this refilled?"
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Strip poker is the only game in which the MORE you lose, the MORE you have to show for it.
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When my sister teased her four-year-old daughter by suggesting she liked a certain boy in her kindergarten class, the little girl was quite indignant.

"No mommy, I don't," she replied, "because he's only interested in one thing."

Shocked, my sister cautiously asked what that might be.

"Pokemon cards, of course," said the toddler.
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My ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible.

Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus, the Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"
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So this really drunk, obnoxious guy kept bothering me at the party last weekend.

What happened?

Well, he cornered me, pulled his thing out of his pants, and asked me, "Do you want to suck it?"

What did you do?

Well, I think I handled it pretty well. I just said, "No, you Go ahead. You don't have enough to share."
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Female bosses are not uncommon at all these days. In fact, some of them are tougher than the men. One such femme had an employee report two hours late.

The employee was limping, bruised about the face and had his arm in a sling. She glared at him, then at the clock. He said, "I got hit by a car this morning."

She replied, "And that took two hours?"
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Strange how people who don't even know their neighbors, are extremely curious to know if there's extra-terrestrial life.
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A man walks into a dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me, can you help me. I think I'm a moth."

Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."

Man: "Yes, I know."

Dentist: "So why did you come in here?"

Man: "The light was on..."
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Oh Doctor!" said the young lady prior to her surgery, "Will the scar show? "

"Not in church, madam," replied the doctor, "but anywhere else, it's entirely up to you......"
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Gray Davis was making fun of Arnold Schwarzenegger's accent. He said, “If you want to be governor of California, you have to be able to pronounce it.” Arnold replied, “To be governor of California, you should be able to govern it.” (David Letterman)
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Potato chips are American's favorite snack food. They are devoured at a rate of 1.2 billion pounds a year.
Potato chips were invented in Saratoga Springs in 1853 by chef George Crum. They were a mocking response to a patron who complained that his French fries were too thick.
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An aging woman in bed with her even more aging husband turns to him and says, "I'd like to do it tonight, but I'm afraid my back might peter out."

He answers, "So would I, but I'm afraid my peter might back out."
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A new government report shows the nation's courts are so under- funded they can't even give jurors the usual small daily fees in return for missing work. The good news is some private citizens are willing to donate millions of dollars to help pay the jurors, the bad news is they're Kobe Bryant, Ken Lay, and Martha Stewart.
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I was hired to modernize the town's only department store. I had to convince them that it was financially sound to add escalators, even though they had adequate elevators.
Every successful department store executive should know that elevators have their ups and downs, but escalators are a step in the right direction.
My biggest error was to recommend they redo the front in imported marble. Everybody took it for granite.
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Norway will now allow all its citizens to vote, even while under the influence of alcohol. Experts say only about 5% of the drunk citizens are likely to make a voting error; the other 95% will simply mistake the voting booth for a urinal.
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Morris and a woman are standing side by side waiting for a bus when they get to talking.
"Say," said the woman. "Do you have a hobby?"
"Naturally, a hobby I got , I'm a bee keeper."
"Well, you must live in the country then."
"Nope, right here in the city... in Brooklyn."
"Really? You must have a large house then."
"Nope, apartment."
"Geez, where do you keep 'em?"
"A shoe box in my closet."
"A shoe box!? How many bees do you have?"
"Couple thousand, something like that. So who counts?"
"Well, you can't keep a couple thousand bees in a shoe box! They'll die!"
"So screw "em. I hate bees."
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The Texas cattlemen are still beefing and stewing about the decision in favor of Oprah, who managed to win free.

The motto for the Texas Cattle Association is "Do unto udders as you would have udders do unto you."

The favorite magazine of the group is Breeder's Digest.

Their favorite book is The Dairy of Anne Frank.

The most popular tune for the cows themselves is Do It My Whey.

The game the cows most enjoy playing is moosical chairs.

Their favorite magazine? Mad.

Their most popular television show?
Maverick, of course.
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That's the jokes for today.
Have a GREAT Thursday
Chuck .....and the Computer

C. S. ROLLASON WHOLESALERS

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