REMINDERS:

Fall Equinox Tue, Sep 23 - 12 days
**********************

JOKES:
..........
The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his children and immediately started to assemble it with all the neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it.

After several hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard.

The old-timer came over, threw the directions away, and in a short while had the set completely assembled.

It's beyond me," said the father, "how you got it together without even reading instructions."

"To tell the truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read, and when you can't read, you've got to think."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I was meeting a friend in a bar, and as I went in, I noticed two pretty girls looking at me. "Nine," I heard one whisper as I passed. Feeling pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy and told him a girl had just rated me a nine out of ten.

"I don't want to ruin it for you," he said, "but when I walked in, they were speaking German."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
ACTUAL MILITARY WARNINGS, can you believe it?

"Aim towards the Enemy." -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." -U.S. Army

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
-U.S.A.F.Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
-Infantry Journal

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." -Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." -U.S. Air Force Manual

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." -Infantry Journal

"Tracers work both ways." -U.S. Army Ordnance "Five-second fuses only last three seconds." -Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." --Col.
David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an ambush." -Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." -Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper ... once." -Anon

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." -Unknown Army Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." -Your Buddies

(And lastly)

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him." --U.S.A. Ammo Troop
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A women's lib speaker was addressing a large group and said,"Where would man be today if it were not for woman?" She paused a moment and looked around the room. "I repeat, where would man be today if it were not for woman?"

From the back of the room came a voice, "He'd be in the Garden of Eden eating strawberries."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
As the passengers settled in on a West Coast commuter flight, a flight attendant announced, "We'd like you folks to help us welcome our new co-pilot. He'll be performing his first commercial landing for us today, so be sure to give him a big round of applause when we come to a stop."

The plane made an extremely bumpy landing, bouncing hard a few times times before smoothing out. Still, the passengers applauded.

Then the attendant's voice came over the intercom, "Thanks for flying with us. And don't forget to let our co-pilot know which of his three landings you liked best."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6:00 a.m. wake-up call.
The next morning, I awoke before 6:00, but the phone did not ring until 6:30.

"Good morning," a young man said sheepishly. "This is your wake-up call." Annoyed, I let the hotel worker have it.

"You were supposed to call me at 6:00 AM!" I complained. "What if I had a million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out on it?"

"Well, sir," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you had a million- dollar deal to close, you probably wouldn't be staying in this motel!"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Our first day at a resort, my wife and I decided to hit the beach.

When I went back to our room to get something to drink, one of the hotel maids was making our bed. I grabbed my cooler and was on my way back out when I stopped at the door and asked, "Can we drink beer on the beach?"

"Sure," the maid replied, "but I have to finish the rest of the rooms first."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A woman goes to a doctor to discuss her husband's impotency problem. The doctor says just give your husband these pills in his next meal and stand back.

The woman goes home and hands the pills to her cook who was preparing dinner for a dinner party later that night. The woman says to the cook, "Just put two of these in my husband's dinner tonight."

As the woman walks out of the kitchen the cook thinks, sure, like I got nothing better to do, and she throws the whole bunch into the soup.

As the guests were sitting down to dinner, the cook comes out of the kitchen and advises the lady of the house that she must speak to her in that there is a big problem in the kitchen.

The lady of the house follows the cook into the kitchen and demands to know what is going on.

The cook admits to throwing all the pills into the soup and cries, "I don't know what to do, the meat balls have doubled in size and the vermicelli is standing straight up."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
What is the difference between mass and weight?

Mass is where Catholics go on Sunday, and weight is where sundaes go on a Catholic.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Today's useless fact - How many coins drop out of circulation every year?

Coins disappear from circulation at an alarming rate, especially those worth the least. Within two years,
70% of all pennies made today will have disappeared into drawers, piggy banks, or sofas. As the value rises, the disappearance rate goes down: only
14% of nickels, 10% of dimes, and 8% of quarters drop out in the same period of time. Ironically, the lower the denomination, the higher the proportionate cost to replace them. Pennies cost about half a cent to manufacture; nickels, about two and a half cents; dimes only a penny; quarters, three cents; and fifty-cent pieces, five cents.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Did any of you married people out there ever wonder whether it's better to have loved and lost, than to have loved and won?
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Bigamy is having one wife too many.
Some say monogamy is the same.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A Redneck was out hunting when he came upon a cheerful young woman sunbathing in a clearing.

Walking over, he said, "Pardon me, ma'am, but are you game?"

Looking the young man up and down, she replied, "Sure."

So he shot her.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Mike Tyson has filed for bankruptcy. The heavyweight boxer has been advised to drop some of his more expensive hobbies, including assault, divorce and prison stays. (Barach)
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
One of the first things you learn on your honeymoon is, when you're carrying your bride over the threshold, always go in sideways -- unless of course two broken ankles and a concussion turn you on.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
For the first time, a Newsweek poll shows that more Americans want President Bush to lose the election than want him to win. So, it sounds like it could be a repeat of the last election. (Jay Leno)
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A blonde, a redhead and a brunette are having a holiday at the North Pole. The blonde's weight is 110 pounds, the redhead's is
130 pounds, the brunette's is 150 pounds.
One day, the three of them are taking a trip on a sleigh.

Suddenly, they see a polar bear behind them. Quickly, they throw out all the luggage behind them, but this doesn't help....the bear comes closer. They realize that one of the three will have to sacrifice herself so that the 2 others will be able to escape. "You should do it," the blonde says to the brunette. "The bear will need more time to eat you than to eat me or the redhead."

"I guess you're right," the brunette says.
She jumps out of the sleigh and gets killed by the bear.

"Thank God for my brains," the blonde says, but the bear reopens the chase. "Now it's your time, red," the blonde says. "Your weight is more than mine."

"I guess you're right," the red says and she also jumps out and gets killed. "Thank God for my brains," the blonde says. But still the bear won't stop chasing the sleigh.
The blonde really gets mad and she cries out, "You stupid animal!!
Just wait a minute!! I'll take my gun and I'll blow you to pieces!!"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Political strategy is always interesting.
George Bush is really starting to attack the economy. Yesterday, he gave a really forceful speech about the economy. You could really tell that he was serious because he kept pounding his dog on the podium. In the speech, Bush promised that the administration will work to keep jobs. Yeah, his and Dick Cheney's.
(David Letterman)
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
"Blow your nose" is an interesting phrase.
Because you don't really blow your nose, you blow through your nose. If you blew your nose, I think they'd put you away.
You might get someone else to blow your nose, but he would have to be a very close friend. Or completely drunk.
*********************
That's the jokes for today.
Have a GREAT Thursday!!!
Chuck .......and the Computer

C. S. ROLLASON WHOLESALERS

Like to make money from your kitchen table?
Check out our helpful sites below.... we also supply
help for established home operated businesses...

http://www.homebucks.com
http://www.future-world.com/10246.htm

The Best-Kept Secrets Revealed!
http://hop.clickbank.net/hop.cgi?crollason/aboutcom

Need Labels??? Check out my label site at:
http://chuck.clickprint.com

95 %, The highest Network Payout in the history of MLM. $95 out of $100!
$50.00 fast start bonus on every sale you make, including the first one!
Check: it out at:
http://www.goupp.com/power95/ch795

"How To Create Automatic Money Machines On The Internet" - Full 7 Letter Series - Free!
Visit Our Site To Sign Up Now:

http://www.thewarriorgroup.com/cgi-bin/a.pl?warriors&4053

Check out my Daily Journal (here’s what I’m doing.)
http://www.homebucks.com/chucks/daily.html