REMINDERS:

Keep Your Cool!
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JOKES:
..........
Friend: "I suppose you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?"

Woman: "Yes, it's a lock of my husband's hair."

Friend: "But your husband is still alive."

Woman: "I know, but his hair is gone."
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In high school, my sister went out with the captain of the chess team. My parents loved him. They figured that any boy who took hours to make a move was okay with them.
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When a woman spotted her husband standing on the bathroom scale holding his stomach in, she thought he was trying to reduce his weight and remarked, "That won't help you very much." "It most certainly will!" he replied. "It's the only way that I can read the numbers."
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During a Christmas shutdown of operations at The Volvo Chesapeake, Virginia bus plant, trained police dogs were hired to protect the buildings from vandalism. A Swedish engineer, who was unaware of the new K9 regime arrived at the plant early about 2 hrs before the plant was to start up.

As he was walking down the corridor to his office, he came face to face with one of the dogs, accompanied by his trainer.

The dog reacted to the presence of the stranger by baring his teeth and uttering a menacing growl. The executive froze to the spot. The trainer shouted in an authoritative tone the command: "Sit!"

The unnerved executive promptly sat down on the floor.
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Old Seth goes to the doctor to see about erection problems. "I'll be ridin' the tractor on the south 20," Seth said, "and the warm sun and the tractor vibratin' gets it up! But by the time I can get back to the house and maw gets ready, it's down--and I can't get it back up. Can you give me somethin' to help keep it up?"

The doc says no, he can't. Age carries its price. But--perhaps some signal could be arranged and maw would be prepared as paw arrived at the house? Maybe Maw could even meet him halfway?

"A great idea!" says Seth. "There's a little grove about halfway to the house from where I'm plowin'. Me and Maw used to have sex there when we were younger! It'd be a great spot. I'll carry my shotgun and when it's all up and hard, I'll fire it and she'll get there same time as I do. Thanks doc!"

Time passes. The doctor meets Seth at the bank one morning and asks how he's doing. Seth says he's okay. The doc asks how Seth's wife is, and Seth says, "Poor Maw, she's dead!"

"Sorry to hear that," says the doc. "How did she die?"

"Just run herself to death durin' the quail season," said Seth.
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Just what an impact the economy had had on the job market became evident to me when I ran a help-wanted ad for my business in our local paper. Next to "salary expected," 75 percent of the applicants had written: "Yes."
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My missus is smart. She said to me yesterday, "Max, do you believe in the saying that money talks?"

"I do, darling, I do," I told her.

"Well," she said, "I get so lonely with nobody to talk to."
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"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."
(Erma Bombeck)
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A dance instructor told his pupil she must always be on the alert in order to follow perfectly. She was so anxious to please that she watched his every move and frequently danced the steps without waiting for his lead.

Finally, when she almost threw him off balance, he ventured, "Pardon me, but aren't you anticipating?"

"Why sir," blushed the pupil, "I'm not even married!"
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Ever visit a baloon? After Michael O'Neil opened O'Neil's Saloon, he was promptly informed by the state liquor authority that he was breaking the law by using the word "saloon." He complied by changing the "S"
into a "B," thus making it O'Neil's Baloon.
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I got a suppository off my doctor a few weeks ago.

He asked me if it had helped the other day.

I replied that for all the good it did I might as well of shoved it up me arse!
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Believe it or not I like coming back to work after a long weekend filled with visiting family, feeding family, fighting family.
Let's face it, you can only take so much of the friggin loved ones. So I walk into the office in a great mood--actually whistling, and when I saw Lewis my mood increased exponentially. He had band-aids on every single digit of his left hand.

I burst into laughter. "You trying to play with fireworks again? Aren't you ever gonna learn? I thought that you swore off of them after you lit old man Greason's shed on fire a few years ago?"

He gave me a sideways look. "This coming from the guy who let sparks get into his bag of fireworks and actually set his entire lawn on fire."
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After great sex she lies there stroking his willy.

He asks "Do you want more sex?"

No she replies, "I'm just admiring your C*ck........I really miss mine".
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Driving across the country, my wife and I were admiring one beautiful old Southern town while stopped at a red light.

We sat there taking in the elegant storefronts, the beautiful trees and other sights, not noticing that the light had turned green, then amber and then back to red again.

It was then that a police officer walked up to the car and tapped on my husband's window. "That's all the colors we got heah," he drawled.
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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is a husband!
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Realizing at the last minute that it was his father's birthday, a teenage boy rushed to the corner store to grab a card.

He quickly found a son-to-father card, but neglected to read it carefully.

Later when his father opened his gifts, he was surprised to read aloud, "Happy birthday to a wonderful Dad. Now that I'm a father too..."
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Eating lunch in a crowded restaurant, a friend and I overheard a conversation between two women at the next table. "I don't know what to do with her," one of them confided. "She comes and goes, and if I tell her I like to know where she is, she says it's her life and she'll live it as she pleases. She eats junk food and laughs when I point out the benefits of good nutrition." "Sounds exactly like my daughter," my friend murmured. "Why are teenagers so impossible?" "It's a phase they all go through," I replied. Just then the woman's voice came through again. "I never realized a seventy-year-old woman could be so impossible, " she lamented. "I just don't know what I'm going to do with Mother!"
*******************************
That's the jokes for today.
Have a GOOD one!
Chuck .... and the Computer
 

C. S. ROLLASON WHOLESALERS

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