REMINDERS:

Keep Your Cool!
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JOKES:
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A friend of mine works in a busy office where a computer going down causes quite an inconvenience. Recently, one of the computers not only crashed, it made a noise that sounded like a heart monitor.

"This computer has flat-lined!" a co-worker called out with mock horror.
"Does anyone here know how to do mouse-to-mouse?"
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The chairman of the board of our company called me into his office to tell me the good news: I was being promoted to Vice President of Corporate Research and Plannning.

Of course, I was excited, but that didn't stop me from asking for my new title to be changed to Vice President of Corporate Planning and Research.

"Why?" the chairman asked.

"Because," I said, "Our organizational charts list names with abbreviated job titles, and I don't want to be known as Robert E. Reuter, VP of CRAP!"
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I was browsing in a antique shop when a clerk approached an older gentleman standing near me. "Has someone been looking after you, sir?" she inquired solicitously. Casting an affectionate look at an older woman, obviously his wife, at the other side of the store, he replied, "For thirty years!"
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On weekend nights, New York City's Greenwich Village is filled with people who, after spending a long evening in a bar, wander the streets talking loudly. I live in a ground-floor corner apartment, so I'm privy to conversations on two streets.
One Sunday at 3 a.m., I was awakened by a man declaiming, "To be, or not to be:
That is the question! I'm the best Hamlet in this city. I should have gotten the part!"
Then another said, "You're right you should have gotten it." Their discussion of the fellow's acting qualifications continued. I was annoyed, but knew that to shout, "Be quiet!" would only lead to more noise. "To be or not to be," the man yelled again. Then, from one of the windows above me, I heard an irate voice call out, "To sleep! Perchance to dream!"
There was silence for a moment, then a giggle. I heard soft footsteps fading away, and not another word.
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Hillary-isms

"Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs have come out. So much of her personality shines through, that in the end, you, too, will want to sleep with an intern." - Craig Kilborn

"In Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,' Hillary details what it was like meeting Bill Clinton, falling in love with him, getting married, and living a passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife. Then on page two, the trouble starts." - Jay Leno

"In the book she says when Bill told her he was having an affair, she said 'I could hardly breathe, I was gulping for air.' No, I'm sorry, that's what Monica said." - David Letterman

"Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the President of the United States. Her husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly disappointed. He is crushed. There go his dreams of becoming a two-impeachment family." - David Letterman

"Last night, Senator Hillary Clinton hosted her first party in her new home in Washington. People said it was a lot like the parties she used to host at the White House. In fact, even the furniture was the same." - Jay Leno

"Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush for breaking his campaign promise to cut carbon dioxide emissions, saying a promise made, a promise broken. And then out of habit, she demanded that Bush spend the night on the couch." - Craig Kilborn

"CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with It." - Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great state of New York. When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible. You know, the one with only seven commandments." - David Letterman
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How To Stay Young

1.Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever.
Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

2.Enjoy the simple things. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

3.The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

4.Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

5.Tell the people you love, that you love them and tell them at every opportunity.

6.Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

7.Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things
8.Last, but not least, always remember; Humpty Dumpty did not fall, he was pushed!
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After the May 3rd tornado, many Oklahoma City residents have tried to deal with their loss through humor. Many home owners have spray- painted their homes or put up signs claiming: "For Sale: Fixer Upper" or "OPEN HOUSE."

However, the best one comes from a man in Moore who, before President Clinton's visit, put a sign in his yard saying:

"HEY BILL, HOW'S THIS FOR A BLOW JOB?"

Unfortunately, the Secret Service asked him to remove it since there was so much media coverage.
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First woman: "That's a lovely coat you're wearing."

Second woman: "Oh, thank you. My husband gave it to me for my fortieth birthday."

First woman: "Really? It certainly has worn well."
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That's the jokes for today.
Have a Good one..
Chuck .....and the Computer
 

C. S. ROLLASON WHOLESALERS

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