TODAY'S JOKES 6-4-03
***************

REMINDERS

Flag Day Sat, Jun 14 - 10 days

Father's Day Sun, Jun 15 - 11 days

Summer Solstice Sat, Jun 21 - 17 days
****************
JOKES:
..........
A woman brought her 4-month-old baby to visit her neighbor. The baby began to fuss soon after they arrived.

The 5-year-old son of the neighbor she visited said, "Where did you get him?"

"He was sent from Heaven," the mother replied.

As the infant continued to cry and yell, the little boy said, "I bet I know why he was sent from Heaven.
God wanted it quiet up there!"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Written in a restroom in Ireland,

Dear Blessed Virgin, If I am to believe that you conceived without sinning, please help me to sin without conceiving!
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
If a swamp frog goes ribb-it....ribb-it....ribb-it; and a Busch frog goes bud....wis....er; What does a Windows 98 frog sound like?
Re-boot... re- boot... re-boot.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by way of an usher. The note read: "Bill Jones having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."
Failing to observe the punctuation, the clergyman startled his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
An English professor announced to the class; "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is gross and the other is cool."
From the back of the room a voice called out, "....... so, what are the words?"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Church Bulletin Board Item: The associate minister unveiled the church's new giving campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge--Up Yours."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
What's the most important question to ask when you want to have safe sex?
What time will your husband get home?
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A blonde went to a tanning salon for her first tanning session.
The proprietor, worried because her skin was so pale, cautioned her about not exposing herself too long for several sessions, and handed her a bottle of lotion.

The blonde came out of the booth about 15 minutes later and said, "Don't worry about my getting burned this time. I left my dress on."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Because our former small-town parish was not a wealthy one, our pastor was dependent on parishioners for upkeep and maintenance of the church. Once he asked my husband, Sam, to rewire the confessionals. The only way to reach the wiring was to enter the attic above the altar and crawl over the ceiling by balancing on the rafters. Concerned for my husband's safety, I waited in a pew. Unbeknownst to me, some parishioners were congregating in the vestibule. They paid little attention to me, probably assuming I was praying. Worried about my husband, I looked up toward the ceiling and yelled, "Sam, Sam -- are you up there? Did you make it okay?" There was quite an outburst from the vestibule when Sam's hearty voice echoed down, "Yes, I made it up here just fine!"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A salesman was going door to door trying to sell his wares. As he walked up to the next house, he noticed a small boy sitting on the front steps. "Is your mother home?" the salesman asked the small boy. "Yeah, she's home," the boy said, scooting over to let him past. The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again. Still no one came to the door. Turning to the boy, the fellow said, "I thought you said your mother was home." The kid replied, "She is." The man said, "Then why doesn't she answer the door when I knock? Is she hard of hearing?" "She can't hear it," replied the boy, "because I don't live here."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
An adolescent is a person who acts like a baby when they aren't treated like an adult.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
The blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye. The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor in disgust took a paper sack with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.

As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face. "Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses."

"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
The world's most avid baseball fan, a blonde, had arrived early at the stadium for the first game of the series between local rival teams only to realize that she had left her ticket at home. Not wanting to miss any of the first inning, she went to the ticket booth and got in a long line for another seat. After an hour's wait she was just a few feet from the booth when a voice called out, "Hey, Linda!"

She looked up, stepped out of line and tried to find the owner of the voice, but met with no success.

Then she realized she had lost her place in the line, and had to go back to the end of the line and wait all over again.

After she had purchased her ticket, she was thirsty, so she went to buy a beer. The line at the concession stand was also very long. But since the game hadn't started she decided to wait.
Just as she got to he window, a voice called out, "Hey, Linda!"

Again the blonde tried to find the voice and got out of line as she wandered looking for the owner of the voice. But no luck.
The blonde was very upset as she got back in line for her beer.

Finally she had her beer and took her seat eager for the game to begin. As she waited for the first pitch, she heard the voice calling, "Hey, Linda!" once more.

Furious, She stood up and yelled a the top of her lungs, "My name isn't Linda!"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
When Liam decided it was time for his friend Brendan to part with his virginity, he accompanied him to the local whorehouse and explained Brendan's condition to the madam. "Don't worry, my boy, we'll get a nice lass to take care of ye,"
she promised. "Ye just do your part and make sure ye wear one of these." And the madam took a condom out of her drawer and rolled it down over her thumb by way of instruction. Brendan parted eagerly with his money and bounded up the stairs to Room 12, where a cheerful farm girl soon showed him the ropes. After he'd come, a frown passed over her face. "The rubber must have torn," she muttered.
"I'm wet as the sea inside."
"Oh no it didn't, Miss," Brendan cheerfully reassured her, holding up his thumb as evidence. "It's good as new."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A priest rushed from church one day to keep a golf date. He was half way down the first fairway, waiting to hit his second shot, when he heard the familiar "FORE!" and a ball slammed into his back.

Soon the golfer who had made the drive was on the scene to offer his apologies When the priest assured him that he was all right, the man smiled.

"Thank goodness, Father!" he exclaimed.
"I've been playing this game for forty years, and now I can finally tell my friends that I've hit my first hol-y-one!"
**********************
That's the jokes for today.
Have a GOOD one!
Chuck .......and the Computer

C. S. ROLLASON WHOLESALERS

Like to make money from your kitchen table?
Check out our helpful sites below.... we also supply
help for established home operated businesses...

http://www.homebucks.com
http://www.future-world.com/10246.htm

The Best-Kept Secrets Revealed!
http://hop.clickbank.net/hop.cgi?crollason/aboutcom

Need Labels??? Check out my label site at:
http://chuck.clickprint.com

95 %, The highest Network Payout in the history of MLM. $95 out of $100!
$50.00 fast start bonus on every sale you make, including the first one!
Check: it out at:
http://www.goupp.com/power95/ch795

"How To Create Automatic Money Machines On The Internet" - Full 7 Letter Series - Free!
Visit Our Site To Sign Up Now:

http://www.thewarriorgroup.com/cgi-bin/a.pl?warriors&4053

Check out my Daily Journal (here’s what I’m doing.)
http://www.homebucks.com/chucks/daily.html