TODAY'S JOKES 6-3-03
***************

REMINDERS

Flag Day Sat, Jun 14 - 11 days

Father's Day Sun, Jun 15 - 12 days

Summer Solstice Sat, Jun 21 - 18 days
****************
JOKES:
..........
A farmer's wife was at her lawyer's getting advice about a divorce.

"He makes excessive sexual demands on me, Mr. Jones,"
said the wife to the lawyer.

"How do you mean?"

"Well, Mr. Jones, this morning I was looking at the chickens when he crept up behind me and had me from behind!"

"Chickens? Mrs. Smith? I didn't know you kept chickens."

"We don't, Mr. Jones. This was in the supermarket."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A guy went into a bar and met a nice girl.
They have a few drinks and soon wound up at his place, in bed.

They're having a great time. She was on top when suddenly she had an epileptic seizure she was shaking and foaming at the mouth.
Our uninformed male thought this was incredible best sex he'd ever had. He finished, but she is still shaking and thrashing about with her seizure.

He began to get nervous and took her to the emergency room. A nurse asked what the girl's problem was, and he replied, "Er....
I think her orgasm is stuck!"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
The attractive woman, admired by all the husbands at the club, was talking to one of the wives over drinks. "I've developed an immunity to being used by men as a sex object."

The wife grinned and replied, "That's not surprising darling...
considering the number of times you've been inoculated."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
The Witt brothers, Half and Dim, are working in the sawmill.
Suddenly, Half yells, “TURN OFF THE SAW, I’VE CUT OFF MY EAR!!” So Dim turns off the saw and they begin looking for the ear. Dim finds the bloody ear, holds it up, and asks, “Is this it?” Half examines the ear. “No,” he says, “mine had a pencil behind it.”
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
An elderly couple stood near me in the supermarket's produce section. The man picked up a bunch of bananas and said to his wife, "These are nice. How about some banana-nut bread?"

I glanced at his spouse and felt sorry for her. She looked tired and, I presumed, not willing to do any baking. My sympathy vanished, however, when she snapped at him, "I'm sick of banana-nut bread, Joe!
Can't you make something else?"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I'm the only female working at a lumberyard. While waiting on a customer who needed some ash lumber cut down to size, I called back to the yard over the loudspeaker: "I'm sending someone for a piece of ash."

I immediately realized that it sounded as if I'd made a sexual innuendo with a lisp, but it was too late.
The loudspeaker could be heard for three blocks, and my coworkers spent the rest of the day heckling me.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes.

So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers!
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
When my sister's husband died, she went to the bank to put his affairs in order. The young clerk looked up their joint account and then asked, "Which of you is deceased?"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Mary: You know, I don't think getting older is such a bad thing.

Jill: What on Earth do you mean? How could it not be bad?

Mary: Well, think about it. Just when our bodies start to sag, our vision starts to get worse. It all works out!
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
He'd been up in New York recently for the Cowboys - New York game. He was having a drink in a bar when an attractive woman sat down next to him.

"Hello, honey," he said. "I'm Oliver from down around"

"Don't tell me," she smiled, laying a hand on his forearm. "You're from Texas."

"How'd you know?" he asked.

"You called me 'honey', your name's Oliver, 'n you sure seem tall sitting there on that bar stool"

"Well, you're right," he replied, "but I have to tell you I'm not really that tall - I'm just sitting on my wallet."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co- workers noticed and asked what happened.

Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while."

"I never knew you played hockey."

"I don't." said Andy. "I hurt it last year when I lost $1,000 on the Stanley Cup play-offs and put my foot through the television..."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Jill and Nadine were having lunch and Jill looked a little upset.

"Whats wrong?" asked Nadine.

"I'm really worried about myself," Jill said forlornly. "My memory has always been a source of quiet pride to me, but lately it's been failing me.
I'm having a hard time remembering things from the mundane to the major."

"I wouldn't worry too much about it,"
Nadine said consolingly, "Sounds like you'll forget all about it tomorrow."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Because our dog, Felix, travels with us in the car, my husband and I give him sugarless mints to sweeten his doggy breath. Soon he developed a taste for them.

One day while my husband and I were out in the country, we let Felix run off the leash and he began wandering away. I yelled to him: stop! stay! come! but he ignored me and kept running about.
Finally, unable to think of anything else, I shouted, "Who wants a breath mint?"

He stopped dead in his tracks.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
During my shift as a customer-service agent at Detroit Metro Airport, I was approached by a woman who was so upset that I thought maybe she'd missed a connection or lost a child.

"I left a book on the plane!" she said frantically.

I assumed this had to be a rare first edition of some kind.
"Okay," I said. "Just tell me the title of the book."

"Don't Sweat the Small Stuff ... and It's All Small Stuff!!"
she replied through her tears.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Alexander Robinson of Mobile, Alabama, redefined the limits of tactlessness when he opened his eyes after surgery to restore his sight and said agreeably to his wife: "Boy, you sure have got fat in four years."
***********************
That's the jokes for today.
Have a GOOD one!
Chuck ......and the Computer

C. S. ROLLASON WHOLESALERS

Like to make money from your kitchen table?
Check out our helpful sites below.... we also supply
help for established home operated businesses...

http://www.homebucks.com
http://www.future-world.com/10246.htm

The Best-Kept Secrets Revealed!
http://hop.clickbank.net/hop.cgi?crollason/aboutcom

Need Labels??? Check out my label site at:
http://chuck.clickprint.com

95 %, The highest Network Payout in the history of MLM. $95 out of $100!
$50.00 fast start bonus on every sale you make, including the first one!
Check: it out at:
http://www.goupp.com/power95/ch795

"How To Create Automatic Money Machines On The Internet" - Full 7 Letter Series - Free!
Visit Our Site To Sign Up Now:

http://www.thewarriorgroup.com/cgi-bin/a.pl?warriors&4053

Check out my Daily Journal (here’s what I’m doing.)
http://www.homebucks.com/chucks/daily.html