REMINDERS:

Independence Day - Tue., Jul 4 - 4 days

Parents' Day - Sun, Jul 23 -23 days
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One weekend my friend Sally, a nurse, was looking after her six-year-old nephew when he fell off a playground slide and hit his head.
Worried that he might have a concussion, she checked him all night.

Every hour, she'd gently shake him and ask, "What's your name?" Soon, he began moaning in protest each time she entered the room.

When Sally went in at 5:00 A.M., she found something white on his forehead. Leaning close, she saw a crayon-scrawled message taped to his forehead. It read: "My name is Daniel."
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A little boy was spending his Saturday morning playing in his sandbox. He had with him his box of cars and trucks, his plastic pail, and a shiny, red plastic shovel. In the process of creating roads and tunnels in the soft sand, he discovered a large rock in the middle of the sand box!

The boy dug around the rock, managing to dislodge it from the sand. With no little bit of struggle, he pushed and nudged the rock across the sandbox by using his feet (he was a very small boy and the rock was very huge).
When the boy got the rock to the edge of the sandbox, however, he found that he couldn't roll it up and over the little wall. Determined, the little boy shoved, pushed, and pried, but every time he had made some progress, the rock tipped and then fell back into the sand box.

The little boy grunted, struggled, pushed, and shoved; but his only reward was to have the rock roll back, smashing his chubby fingers.
Finally he burst into tears of frustration. All this time the boy's father watched from his living room window as the drama unfolded.

The moment the tears fell, a large shadow fell across the boy and the sandbox. It was the boy's father. Gently, but firmly, he said, "Son, why didn't you use all the strength that you had available?"

Defeated, the boy sobbed back, "But I did, Daddy, I did! I did use all the strength that I had!"

"No, son, you didn't use all the strength you had," corrected the father kindly. "You didn't ask me."

With that the father reached down, picked up the rock, and removed it from the sandbox.
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When a man says, "We've got to talk," the woman hears, "We're going to have a nice conversation." When a woman says, "We've go to talk," a man hears, "Will the defendant please rise?"
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On a first date, usually guys take you to a movie where you sit in the dark staring at a screen, not speaking to each other. Makes perfect sense, it prepares you for marriage.
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Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be a Dad. ~Unknown
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When we returned, the customs man at the airport asked, "Anything to declare?"

I replied, "Yes, bankruptcy."
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“Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.” -Janet Lane
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What's the difference between light and hard?
You can sleep with a light on.
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My sister-in-law Bonnie was very busy one day working in her house. She had just gotten to the basement after quite a few trips up and down when she heard the telephone ring upstairs. Tiredly, she ran back up the stairs only to hear a solicitor on the other end. "Hello, is this Bonnie D?"

"Yes."

"We are calling people in your area and would like to know if you would help us by participating in a brief survey."

Without missing a beat, she told them, "I'm very busy right now. You will have to survey your own briefs."
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(Help-wanted ad)


Good hours, competitive salary, fun place to work, paid training, mean boss. Oh well, four out of five isn't bad.
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"Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last 30 years, many foreign people still speak in foreign languages" --Dave Barry
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I asked the ticket agent, "Is there any way I could get to Boston sooner?"

He said, "Sure, take the first car on the train."
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Sign Over Office Coffee Pot...Please do not complain about the coffee. You'll be old and weak someday, too!
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It's so Hot here in Arizona. ( How hot is it? ) I saw a Coyote chasing a Roadrunner and they were both walking.
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A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
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How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
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Libya will allow an independent, non-government controlled media for the first time in thirty years. Which means they won't carry Fox News Channel on their cable.
(Barach)
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When men break up they want to remain friends. Why? Why can't they just get lost?
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"God help the man who won't marry until he finds a perfect woman, and God help him still more if he finds her." - Benjamin Tillett
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How to Get Rid of Telemarketers

- If they start out with, "How are you today?"
say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died. When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems.

- If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

- This works great if you are male:
Telemarketing: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company...Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

- Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

- Say "No," over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to peak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

- If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends...Would you be my friend?"
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When I was a child, I remember my Mom telling me, "Son, when you grow up, you can marry any girl you please."

When I became a young man, I learned the sad fact was that I could not please any of them.
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Q. What is the difference between a hunter and a fisherman?

A. A hunter lies in wait and a fisherman waits and lies.
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Charles Wilson Peale's portrait of George Washington on a battlefield was sold for more than $21 million. It's becoming harder and harder to find presidents with actual combat experience. (Barach)
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RANDOM ACTS of THINKING...2006

I've been trying to follow that new food pyramid the government put out, and it's working! I'm looking more and more like a pyramid every day.

How to tell your social standing: if you got to work and your name is on the building, you're rich. If your name is on your desk, you're in the middle class. If your name is on your shirt, you're poor.

I have reverse paranoia: I believe people are conspiring to help me succeed.

I don't mind life passing me by, I just wish it would signal every now and again and not cut in front of me so much.
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That's the jokes for today and this week..
Have a GREAT weekend!
Chuck ......... and the Computer

C. S. ROLLASON WHOLESALERS

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