REMINDERS:

Independence Day - Mon, Jul 04 - 7 days
**********************

JOKES:
.......
Advice From an Old Farmer

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

A bumblebee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

Meanness don't just happen overnight.

Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

It doesn't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about is never going to happen anyway.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you from the mirror every morning.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.
Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
You seem to be in some distress,' said the kindly judge to the witness. `Is anything the matter?' `Well, your Honour,' said the witness, `I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects.'
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A number of Primary Schools were doing a project on "The Sea." Kids were asked to draw pictures, or write about their experiences.
Teachers got together to compare the results and assembled the consensus best comments.
The kids were all between 5 and 8 years old.

This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)

Oysters balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

If you are surrounded by sea, you are an island.
If you don't have sea all round you, you are in continent. (Wayne age 7)

I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of it's head. (Billy age 8)

My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 6)

I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant?(Helen age 6)

Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting.
Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.
(Christopher age 7)

My mum has fish nets, but doesn't catch any fish. (Laura age 5)

When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

A submarine goes under the water like a fish, but it has lots of seamen inside. (Emma age 5)

When I grow up, I want to be captain of a big ship, and have lots of sailors. (Valerie age 6)

On holiday my Mum went water ski-ing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water shot up her fanny(Julie age 7.)
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
My fourth grade students were required to date the entries in their journals, but one young fellow neglected to do so. I made a notation "Date?" beside his last entry. The next time I reviewed his journal, I spotted his response to my query: "I'm too young."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Peter!" his mother scolded. "There were two cookies in the pantry this morning but now there's only one! Do you have an explanation?"

Peter replied "It must have been too dark and I didn't see the other one."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Some years ago when my sister was a member of the IHM religious order, she attended LaSalle University. One day she and three other IHM sisters were caught in a downpour. As they walked towards a nearby campus, bogged down with books, briefcases and the weight of the habit, a Good Samaritan pulled up beside them in his car. The driver looked at them, and they immediately piled into the vehicle.

When they were finally settled, the young man said, "Well, sisters, I don't know where you're going, but I'm stalled."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A professor asked a student to remain for a few moments after class. Holding out the young man's assignment, the professor said, "Did you write this poem all by yourself?"

The student said, "Every word of it."

The professor said, "Well, then, I'm glad to meet you, Mr. Poe. I thought you were long dead."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Early one evening, a gentleman scuttled out to his garage and pulled the lawn furniture out onto the driveway. Shortly after followed the lawnmower, a few gardening tools and a bicycle.

A curious neighbor wandered over and asked if he was going to have a garage sale.

"No," replied the gentleman, "my son just bought his first car and right now he's getting ready for a big date."

"So what's with all the stuff?" asked the neighbor.

"Well, after years of moving tricycles, toys and sports equipment out of the way every time I came home from work I wanted to make sure the driveway was ready for him."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says...I'll try again tomorrow.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A long-time client came into our shop to buy a new suit--to wear to a party being given to celebrate his 100th birthday. He chose the fabric and style, we took his measurements and then, to our delight, he insisted the suit have two pairs of trousers.
*************************************
That's the jokes for today.
Have a GOOD one!
Chuck ........ and the Computer

 

C. S. ROLLASON WHOLESALERS

Like to make money from your kitchen table?
Check out our helpful sites below.... we also supply
help for established home operated businesses...

http://www.homebucks.com
http://www.future-world.com/10246.htm

The Best-Kept Secrets Revealed!
http://hop.clickbank.net/hop.cgi?crollason/aboutcom

Need Labels??? Check out my label site at:
http://chuck.clickprint.com

95 %, The highest Network Payout in the history of MLM. $95 out of $100!
$50.00 fast start bonus on every sale you make, including the first one!
Check: it out at:
http://www.goupp.com/power95/ch795

"How To Create Automatic Money Machines On The Internet" - Full 7 Letter Series - Free!
Visit Our Site To Sign Up Now:

http://www.thewarriorgroup.com/cgi-bin/a.pl?warriors&4053

Check out my Daily Journal (here’s what I’m doing.)
http://www.homebucks.com/chucks/daily.html