REMINDERS:

Independence Day - Mon, Jul 04 - 10 days
**********************

JOKES:
.......
A fellow told me he was going to hang-gliding school. He said, "I've been going for three months." I asked, "How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?" He said, "All of them."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
The greatest tragedy of life is not death, but what dies inside of us while alive.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Although we were being married in New Hampshire, I wanted to add a touch of my home state, Kansas, to the wedding. My fiancee, explaining this to a friend, said that we were planning to have wheat rather than rice thrown after the ceremony.

Our friend thought for a moment. Then he said solemnly, "Thank God she's not from Idaho."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Make someone happy today. Mind your own business.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Women and Pain

Women just make me angry when they say, "Women have the worst pain of all; they experience childbirth."

Bullsh*t! No woman has ever zipped her weenie up in a zipper. Once you pull that zipper UP, you ain't gonna pull it back down on your own.
You'll need two linebackers, a straight jacket,
100cc's of morphine, and a team of paramedics to unzip you.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Down in the south, there are many churches known as "answer back" churches. When the preacher says something, the congregation naturally replies.

One Sunday, a preacher was speaking on what it would take for the church to become better. He said "If this church is to become better, it must take up its bed, and walk."

The congregation said "Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk."

Encouraged by their response, he went further.
"If this church is going to become better, it will have to throw aside its hindrances and run!"

The congregation replied, "Let it run, preacher, let it run!"

Now really into his message, he spoke stronger. "If this church really wants to become great, it will have to take up its wings and fly!"
"Let it fly, Preacher, let it fly!" the congregation shouts.

The Preacher gets louder. "If this church is going to fly, it will cost money!"

The congregation replied. "Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Specialist: A doctor whose patients are expected to confine their ailments to office hours.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Breeding: the quality that enables a person to wait in well-mannered silence while the loudmouth gets the service.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A grandmother is a baby-sitter who watches kids instead of television.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Q: How do you scare a man?


A: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
After a long day of being called upon to visit an endless series of horses and cows with sore legs, I finally returned to the animal clinic.

Although exhausted, when I discovered I had a slow leak in one of my truck tires, I drove over to get it fixed at the local service station.

The mechanic knew immediately he was dealing with one very tired veterinarian after I carefully explained to him that my truck seemed to be lame in the right hind tire.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion. This is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
After moving from Arizona to Washington State, we all found it difficult adjusting to the wet, damp weather that greeted us. Three solid weeks of rain and my husband had reached the end of his tether. Our six-year-old son, Danny, was outside one day helping his Dad clean up the yard when suddenly we had another downpour. Danny came running in and asked, "Mommy, Daddy believes in God, doesn't he?"

"Yes. Why?"

"I thought so," he replied, "because Daddy's outside right now talking to Him."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I grew up in a mobile home. When I was a kid, I ran away from home and it followed me.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I drive a junky car. I never take care of it, or change the oil. The other day a dashboard light came on that said, "We need to talk."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I love the self-adhesive stamps that the Post Office now offers and was pleased to note that the decorative stamps are also in this format.
When I asked the clerk for some decorative stamps, he asked, "Will that be self-sticking or good-tasting, Madam?"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Q: Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?

A: A mental hospital.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Doll makers in England have created the Dungeon Doll. It's based on Barbie but is dressed in a short rubber skirt and fishnet stockings. Mattel is suing the company for copyright infringement, but Ken couldn't be happier.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is that about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
As Bob grew old, physicians greatly restricted his activities, and it irked him enormously. A nurse had been hired to tend to his needs as he had now been confined to total bedrest.

"Nurse, I would like to do some reading," Bob said.

"Fine," the nurse replied, "What kind of reading would you like? A magazine, a book?"

"Well with the way the doctors have limited my activities," he replied, "Why don't you just bring me a postage stamp."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Standing on the sidelines during a football game at my son's high school, I saw one of the players take a hard hit. He tumbled to the ground and didn't move. We grabbed our first-aid gear and rushed out onto the field.

The coach picked up the young man's hand and urged, "Son, can you hear me? Squeeze once for yes and twice for no."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Don't go to a school reunion. There'll be a lot of old people there claiming to be your classmates.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Parent-teacher interviews had begun, and as it was my first year as a teacher, I was under a lot of stress. By 4:15 that afternoon, exhausted, I glanced at the door to see if there were many people yet to be seen and realized that my mother was standing next in line. I hurriedly finished the interview, then ushered her in.
When she sat down, I asked: "Mom, why are you here? Is everything all right?"

"I came to see you," she replied.

"But you're not supposed to be here," I said.

"Why not?" she asked with a smile. "I'm a parent. You're a teacher. Do you need a coffee?"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A sharp tongue and a dull mind are often found in the same head.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Pilots can now carry handguns, except for the pilots who failed the psychological exam.
They're not allowed to carry guns, just fly airplanes with people on them.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Complaining loudly, a customer arrived at the service department where my brother works.
She told the manager the emergency brake cables in her car had just been replaced, but the brake still didn't work. It was checked, and everything appeared normal. Nevertheless, the woman continued her harangue. Finally the mechanic pulled the release to check under the hood. "There, you see?" the woman exclaimed.
"When you release the brake, the hood opens!"
*************************************
That's the jokes for today and for this week.
Have a GREAT weekend!
Chuck ...... and the Computer

 

C. S. ROLLASON WHOLESALERS

Like to make money from your kitchen table?
Check out our helpful sites below.... we also supply
help for established home operated businesses...

http://www.homebucks.com
http://www.future-world.com/10246.htm

The Best-Kept Secrets Revealed!
http://hop.clickbank.net/hop.cgi?crollason/aboutcom

Need Labels??? Check out my label site at:
http://chuck.clickprint.com

95 %, The highest Network Payout in the history of MLM. $95 out of $100!
$50.00 fast start bonus on every sale you make, including the first one!
Check: it out at:
http://www.goupp.com/power95/ch795

"How To Create Automatic Money Machines On The Internet" - Full 7 Letter Series - Free!
Visit Our Site To Sign Up Now:

http://www.thewarriorgroup.com/cgi-bin/a.pl?warriors&4053

Check out my Daily Journal (here’s what I’m doing.)
http://www.homebucks.com/chucks/daily.html