REMINDERS:

Independence Day - Tue, Jul 4 - 12 days
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As a member of the Marine Corps, I was stationed at Twenty-Nine Palms Base in California. Among those serving there was a private who was determined not to re-enlist.

At inspection one morning, the officer asked him, "Are you married, son?"

"No, sir," he replied. "Engaged."

"There's no need to get married," the officer said, sensing an opportunity to change the private's plans for discharge. "The Marine Corps is your wife. It clothes you, feeds you, puts a roof over your head, keeps you in top physical condition and provides you with companionship. What else could you possibly want?"

"With all due respect, sir," answered the private, "a divorce!"
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When my, now 20 year old, daughter was 4 years old we went to visit Grandpa one day.
Jamie was in Grandpa's lap trying to tell him something and was not having any success as he was busy talking and not paying attention to her. After many tries she got very frustrated and finally put her hands on his cheeks and turned his face to look at her and said, "Hey asshole, I'm talking to you". Needless to say that caught his attention and everyone else's also.
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Golf got its name because all of the other four letter words were taken.
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When I first returned back to the United States from being stationed in Japan while in the Marine Corps, three of my buddies and I went to Laguna Beach, California, close to where we were stationed in Camp Pendleton, to ride horses, and of course to check out the beautiful ladies that hang out there. Upon arrival, the lady that was "issuing" the horses walked up to me and gave me a little card which asked questions like "how many times have you ridden a horse". Well, since I had never been on a horse, I put down "0" and she advised me on what to do and told me that she was going to give me a very tame horse. We all got on our horses, and took off down this fenced path that went for about fifty feet, and then it opened up to where you could just ride along the beach with no boundaries. We rode up to this little trail that led to the beach, and unlike everyone elses', my horse would not go down the trail.
After trying for what seemed like 10 minutes, we all decided to ride back to the stables and speak with the lady that had given me the horse. She gave me a little "Stick" looking thing that was about a foot and a half long and told me that if the horse acted up again, to just tap his ears with it and the horse would do what ever I wanted it to. So, off we went again.
We got back to the same little trail, my horse again refused to go down, so I smacked it on the ears with the "little stick" My horse took off so fast I barely had time to think and grab onto the saddle horn, almost getting thrown off. All I could do was hang on as this horse ran right by over 50 people that were waiting in a line to get on the horses, to the back of the stables where there were other horses eating, and nudged his way in between two other horses and began to eat, with me still sitting on it. I looked back at the crowd and they were rolling with laughter as I sat there still on top of it, so embarrassed!! To this day, I will not ride a horse nor do I care to.

If they ever find a way to put a steering wheel and a brake pedal on a horse, then I will ride one!!! I guess you know that I never heard the end of it from my buddies.
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They found a sunken Roman city city off the coast of Egypt that is 2,000 years old. They believe is happened during the reign of Emperor Ray Nagin." -Jay Leno
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There are some advantages to living in a mobile home.

If it caught on fire, you could meet the fire department halfway there.
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Doctors say erectile dysfunction could be a sign of impending heart problems. Or maybe that your girlfriend is just ugly. - Jim Barach
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The Olsen twins have signed an endorsement deal with Badgley Mischka apparel. Mary Kate will model petite dresses. Or, as she refers to them, full figure. (Ray)
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Traffic jams are at times caused by the construction of new highways to relieve traffic jams.
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Joe: Did you know that some of the presidents gave their salaries back to the government?

Moe: That idea really caught on. Now they have us all doing it.
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A mother-in-law visits her son-in-law before leaving for a trip. They are sipping coffee and chatting. Suddenly, mother-in-law looks at the clock and jumps off her chair exclaiming, "My god! It's already three P.M. I'm about to miss my train!"

She begins to gather her luggage together. At this moment, the son-in-law's daughter runs up to her and before he can stop her, she announces, "Don't hurry, granny! Daddy moved the clock two hours ahead!"
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I enjoy great fiction. So, on many evenings I curl up with a good travel brochure. Those brochures are filled with so many promises that they must be written by politicians.
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Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, many tiny threads, which sew people together through the years.
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I just got married. It's my husband's second marriage. If you think it's hard to get a guy who's never been married to commit, try to get a guy to go back and do it all over again. It's like talking a vet back into Vietnam.
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"President Bush gave his weekly, regular radio address on Saturday and the theme was pro-marriage. And then right afterwards, Bill Clinton gave the rebuttal." - Jay Leno
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The little rich girl came back from her first trip to Sunday school and told her mother, "Oh, Mummy! They read us the nicest story" All about a Mr. Adam and a Miss Eve and what a nice time they were having under an apple tree until a servant came along and disturbed them."
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Why are some places wealthy and other places poor? It occurred to me, at least, that this might have something to do with money.
~P. J. O'Rourke
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According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his book has some $ex in it.
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Life is short. I don't care about the floor. I take vitamins; they drop; they roll under the refrigerator. I don't pick them up. I have five years of vitamins under the refrigerator. I'll probably come home one night and find a six-foot cockroach in Adidas saying, "I feel good!" ~Elayne Boosler~
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That's the jokes for today.
Have a GOOD One!
Chuck ..... and the Computer

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