REMINDERS:

Summer Solstice - Wed, Jun 21 - 0 days

Independence Day - Tue, Jul 4 - 13 days
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Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty - they merely move it from their faces into their hearts. - Martin Buxbaum
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Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.
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Delivering a speech at a banquet on the night of his arrival in a large city, a visiting minister told several anecdotes he expected to repeat at meetings the next day. Because he wanted to use the jokes again, he requested the reporters to omit them from any accounts they might turn in to their newspapers. A cub reporter, in commenting on the speech, ended his piece with the following: "The minister told a number of stories that cannot be published."
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Sidney went to a career counselor to determine what field he should enter. After extensive testing, the counselor finally gave him the results.

"Well, Sid, according to our tests, you are a sadistic psychopath who enjoys inflicting pain, misery and suffering on others. You'd be a terrific golf course designer."
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.

Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman.

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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What Makes a Dad ?

God took the strength of a mountain,

The majesty of a tree,

The warmth of a summer sun,

The calm of a quiet sea,

The generous soul of nature,

The comforting arm of night,

The wisdom of the ages,

The power of the eagle's flight,

The joy of a morning in spring,

The faith of a mustard seed,

The patience of eternity,

The depth of a family need,

Then God combined these qualities, When there was nothing more to add, He knew His masterpiece was complete, And so, He called it ... Dad
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You know you're getting old when the only thing you've got in the house from Victoria's Secret is their catalog.
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It was our second anniversary, and my husband sent me flowers at the office. He told the florist to write "Happy Anniversary, Year Number 2" on the card. I was thrilled with the flowers, but not so pleased with the card. It read "Happy Anniversary. You're Number 2."
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Mother: Eat your spinach. Think of the thousands of starving children who would love some spinach like this.

Billy: Name two.
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Judith Martin, famed for her syndicated Miss Manners newspaper column, received a letter from a reader asking, "Dear Miss Manners:
What is the correct way to walk in high-heeled shoes?"

Her reply? "Gentle Reader: Left, right, left, right, left, right."
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I dialed a wrong number and got the following recording: "I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."

"They found a sunken Roman city city off the coast of Egypt that is 2,000 years old. They believe is happened during the reign of Emperor Ray Nagin." --Jay Leno

"The president of Mexico has arrived in the U.S. I thought this was encouraging. He offered to take President Bush's job for $3 an hour cash." --David Letterman

"The Senate voted to make English the national language of the United States. The vote drew protests from several im- migrant groups and one governor of California." --Conan O'Brien
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Maybe I'm an old-fashioned guy, but I believe the most important thing in a marriage is me.
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"CNN announced that they would make a number of changes to attract a younger audience. For instance, starting on 'Larry King Live', instead of taking phone calls, Larry will take Ecstasy." -Conan O'Brien

"White House officials tried to talk to Dick Cheney about softening his image, but have been told never to interrupt him when he's yelling at puppies." —Craig Kilborn

When my sister's husband died, she went to the bank to put his affairs in order. The young clerk looked up their joint account and then asked, "Which of you is deceased?"
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You think the rich have no problems? Consider this revelation from English author Logan Pearsall Smith: "It is the wretchedness of being rich that you have to live with rich people."
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Yet another obnoxious attempt by men to try to get your attention: they hiss. "Sssss! Sssss!"
But I like to think of it as the sound of their ego deflating as I continue to walk away.
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My husband and I found a charming bed-and-breakfast nestled in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. Though enchanted, I nonetheless had some questions about the accommodations.

"Does the room have its own bath?" I asked.

Nodding, the proprietor answered, "If no one else shows up, it does."
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There are two classes of people, the righteous and the unrighteous. The classifying is done by the righteous.
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Rummage sale: where you buy stuff from somebody else's attic to store in your own.
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A hard man is good to find

- Mae West -
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"You know you're on a diet when cat food commercials make you hungry." --Andy Bumatai "What's right is what's left if you do everything wrong." --Robin Williams
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"At the end of 'American Idol,' Ryan Seacrest announced that more than 63 million votes were cast, which is more than any president in U.S. history has ever received. In a related story, this morning Hillary Clinton bought a karaoke machine." -Conan O'Brien
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Woman: "No, I'm telling you, I'm right! He couldn't eat the Trix because he was an adult rabbit, and Trix were only supposed to be for kids."

Man: "Well, I always thought it was just because he was a rabbit and not a person."

[A period of silence -- the woman looks down at her food.] Man: "What's wrong?"

Woman: "I'm just really getting tired of you always being wrong."
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That's the jokes for today.
Have a GOOD one!
Chuck ...... and the Computer

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