REMINDERS:
Father's Day - Sun, Jun 19 - 4 days
Summer Solstice - Tue, Jun 21 - 6 days
Independence Day - Mon, Jul 04 - 19 days
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JOKES:
.......
This is a true story. I can laugh about it now, although it wasn't funny to me
at the time.
I was 16 years old in 1978. I wore my hair like most teenagers at the time:
long, covering the ears and several inches over the collar. It had been several
months since my last haircut, and my hair was getting a bit unruly. My parents
were on my case to get a haircut for an upcoming family event. Since the lady
who usually cut my hair was out of town, I had to go to the only other place in
town, a traditional barbershop. I dreaded going because I didn't know how my
hair would turn out. As I was approaching the shop, I noticed a guy a few years
older than I coming out with a pretty decent haircut. It was still longish and
styled pretty nice, and about the same color and texture as mine. I decided that
although my current hair was almost twice as long as his, I would get it cut
like that, that way my parents would stay off my back for a while. So, I went
into the barbershop and noticed the barber sweeping up hair, and since noon else
was in the shop, I took a seat. The barber asked me how I wanted it cut, and I
said I wanted it cut just like his last customer's. He said are you sure that's
a lot of hair to cut off. I said sure, that way I won't have to get it cut for a
while. He said okay, if you're sure. He sprits my hair then proceeded to start
to cut my hair. Now, since I wan't facing a mirror, I couldn't see what he was
doing, but I started to notice a lot of long clumpsfalling to the ground. Wow,
that's a lot of hair, I thought. I hope he knows what he's doing. He kept
cutting and cutting, and my head felt lighter and lighter. I even heard him cut
all the hair off my ears and felt a coolness on my ear. I was getting really
worried about this haircut and began to fidget to see what he was doing. Finally
he stopped cutting, and I thought he was done. To my horror, he came back with
hair clippers and proceeded to run them across the top of my head. Finally I
shouted what are you doing? The barber said he was giving me the haircut I asked
for. I said I wanted to see, and when he turned me around, I saw that he had cut
off all my hair with scissors and proceeded to cut the top of my head about a
half-inch long with clippers. I said that this looked nothing like what I
wanted, like his last customer's. He said that this is what he gave his last
customer, and assumed I wanted the same. I said that the last guy who was in
here had nice hair, feathered back, and a lot longer than this. The barber said,
oh, that guy wasn't MY customer, it was HIS customer. The barber pointed over to
the other side of the shop, where sat another barber that I never even noticed.
My barber said that HIS last customer was a Marine. He thought I knew that. So,
I had no choice but to let him finish the haircut, which turned out to be a
Marine Corps high and tight and only a 1/2 inch long on top and practically
shaved on the sides. He even shaved off my sideburns and around my ears, and I
knew that it would be a long time before hair grew over them again. The barber
felt bad and didn't charge me for the haircut, but I went in there looking cool
and came out looking like a Marine. I had a hard time explaining this to
everybody, and they all laughed at me. It took over a year to grow back.
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Famed cellist Yo Yo Ma fathered a baby boy with a girl from the 'Hood. They
named the baby Yo Ma Ma.
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My friend's 5-year-old granddaughter looked at the stars one night and
exclaimed, "God's home! All His lights are on!"
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Why is the person who snores always the first one to fall asleep?
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Jill and Nadine hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for
lunch. The talk naturally got around to their respective love lives. Jill
confided that there really wasn't anyone special in her life. Nadine, on the
other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found.
"He's perfect. He's handsome, and last night when we went out to dinner, he said
the four little words I've been waiting to hear a man say to me!"
"He said 'will you marry me'?" Jill asked.
Nadine replied, "No, he said 'put your money away'."
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As the owner of an expeditions company, I was with a group of campers near the
Copper River when I woke up to someone screaming, "Bear in camp!" Later, I
realized the bear had run off with the bag holding my clothing and credit card.
When I called the credit-card firm, the concerned representative asked, "Is
there a chance someone could take the card from the bear?"
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I can have fun in little ways. I remember once, on a sunny fall afternoon in New
York, I bought a big bunch of flowers and just walked down the street handing
them out to each woman I met. I smiled, and they smiled, and it was beautiful.
Joe Namath
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Take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages
the tormentor, never the tormented.
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Riding a power mower while doing grounds maintenance work in Southern
California, I usually wear several items to protect myself, including safety
glasses, dust mask, and cowboy hat. One day as I walked into our shop at
lunchtime, a co-worker called out, "Look! It's the Lawn Ranger!"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A man who hasn't said a word since he was found wandering in a wet black suit
stunned carers by giving a virtuoso piano performance.
The man has not spoken since he was picked up by police in Sheerness, Kent, six
weeks ago.
His talent came to light after staff at the Medway Maritime Hospital gave the
man a pen and paper in the hope he would write his name.
Instead, he drew detailed pictures of a grand piano so workers sat him in front
of the piano in the hospital's chapel.
Social worker Michael Camp said: "It is extraordinary. The first time we took
him down to the piano he played for several hours, non-stop."
Several lines of inquiry have been followed, and the hospital brought in
interpreters to see if the mystery patient was from Eastern Europe.
Social worker Michael Camp said the man, in his 20s or 30s, is usually very
anxious but "comes alive" at the piano. He added: "By the way he plays the piano
he is clearly educated and intelligent. If someone comes forward with
information then we can take this emotional case forward."
The National Missing Persons Helpline wants to hear from anyone who knows the
man, dubbed The Piano Man.
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A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "when we were first married, I
would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute
little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different, I
come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."
"Why complain?" said the counselor. "You're still getting the same service!"
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Advice From Men To Women
Don't tell anyone we can't afford a new car. Tell them we don't want one.
When the waiter asks if everything's okay, a simple 'Yes' is fine.
Don't feel compelled to tell us how all the people in your stories are related
to one another: We're just nodding, waiting for the punchline.
When I ask, 'How many guys have you slept with?' It would be much appreciated if
you did not answer honestly.
If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work?
The temperature in the cave will be my responsibility. It will be slightly to
moderately cooler than you want it.
When I'm turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off- ramp, saying "Oh,
this is our exit, Honey" is not really necessary.
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"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold
me this watch." --Woody Allen "Like everyone else who makes the mistake of
getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries." --Bill Cosby
************************************
That's the Jokes for today....
Have a GOOD one!
Chuck ......... and the Computer
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