REMINDERS:

Flag Day - Tue, Jun 14 - 1 days

Father's Day - Sun, Jun 19 - 6 days

Summer Solstice - Tue, Jun 21 - 8 days

Independence Day - Mon, Jul 04 - 21 days
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JOKES:
.......
A boss tells his new employee, "I'll give you
8 bucks an hour starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to 10 bucks an hour. So when would you like to start?"

The employee replies, "How about in 3 months?"
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I asked "What is this blended coffee? And the waiter said, "Yesterday and today's."
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In West Virginia a woman was arrested for sitting naked on school steps reading a Bible. Well, sure, you can't have a Bible on school grounds!
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Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.
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First worm: You're the most beautiful worm I've ever seen. Marry me, my darling.

Second worm: Cool it, Bozo, I'm your other end.
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Butcher: "Would you like anything else today?"

Lady: "Not that I can think of. As a matter of fact I haven't really been able to think of much all day. Must be all the vicodin....So how do I prepare this?"

Butcher: "It's lunchmeat, lady. You just eat it."
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The Top 25 Differences Between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek"

25> "Star Trek": cardboard sets. "Star Wars": cardboard actors.

24> "Star Trek" fans sit in front of televisions watching reruns. "Star Wars"
fans sit in front of theaters that won't even be showing the film.

23> Darth Vader needs the Force to make people gag. William Shatner merely acts.

22> Some Trekkies are now old enough to have moved from their parents' basement to the retirement home basement.

21> Lots of fans can speak Klingon, but only losers speak Wookiee.

20> "Trek": The bad guys are thinly disguised non-Americans. "Wars": The bad guys are thinly disguised Americans.

19> "Star Wars": buns on the head. "Star Trek": buns in the uniform.

18> Luke: "Well, not unless you can alter time, speed up the harvest or teleport me off this rock." C-3PO: "Not really, sir. Time travel and teleportation are more of a 'Trek' thing."

17> Lightsabers are powered by D cells, while phasers take a 9- volt.

16> Gene Roddenberry was a legendary pioneer of thought-provoking, futuristic science fiction. George Lucas created Jar Jar Binks.

15> Spock puts the TP on so it rolls over the top, whereas Vader likes it to roll underneath.

14> Wookiees and Ewoks vs. Tribbles and toupees.

13> Substantially harder to hand-make a Chewbacca Halloween costume than a Bones McCoy.

12> Besides the advantage of no one recognizing you, wearing the stormtrooper costume keeps that parents'-basement skin pasty white!

11> "Star Trek": Everybody likes Seven of Nine. "Star Wars": Nobody likes I of VI, or II of VI for that matter.

10> Shatner wears a girdle, but Jabba lets it all hang out.

9> "Star Wars" has the mystical power of the Force to lend gravitas to the adventure, but "Star Trek" has the mystical power of chicks with bigger hooters.

8> "Star Wars": Captain Solo always has a Wookiee at his side. "Star Trek": Captain Kirk always has nookie on the side.

7> In one, you live long and prosper. In the other, you live large and profit.

6> "Star Wars" fans don't refuse to honor the restraining order if it's not translated into Klingon.

5> Captain Kirk always says, "To infinity and beyond!" Darth Vader always says, "The Force is like a box of chocolates."

4> If Jar Jar Binks were on "Trek," Scotty would've given him a red shirt and beamed him down to a hostile planet during the opening credits.

3> Hard-core "Star Wars" fans are all overweight, unattractive, diabetic virgins who spend their free time and money building homemade lightsabers. Hard-core "Star Trek" fans are all overweight, unattractive, diabetic virgins who spend their free time and money building homemade tricorders.

2> Harrison Ford doesn't need to call 911 to ask if he should get his wife from the bottom of the pool.

and the Number 1 Difference Between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek"...

1> I have no idea. And that, fanboy, is why
*I* am not a virgin.
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I was in the ROTC program. I remember once I was walking through campus and my instructor grabs me and he's a real big guy, and yells, "It's been six weeks since I've seen you in camouflage class!" I said, "I'm getting good."
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Because they have to pay for their own uniforms the nurses in Sweden are threatening to come to work naked. That's going to be a long strike.
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I was asking my friend who has children, "What if I have a baby and I dedicate my life to it and it grows up to hate me. And it blames everything wrong with its life on me." And she said, "What do you mean, 'If?'
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How come aspirins are packed in childproof containers, but bullets just come in a box?
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While I was employed by a private corporation and assigned to the space-shuttle program, my job included ordering supplies. One of the engineers asked me to get a new dictionary for him.
The request form said, "State reason this item is needed," so I asked him why he wanted one.

I expected his answer would be "My old copy is lost" or "The cover is falling off."
Instead he replied, "My edition defines 'spaceship' as an 'imaginary aircraft'."

He got his new dictionary.
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A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Walmart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket she said "And here's something for you Diploma" and "there's something for you Diploma". And this carried on.

Eventually a bewildered shopper who'd heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?"

Replied the grandmother, "I sent my daughter to Va Tech and this is what she came home with!"
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Kraft Foods laid off six thousand workers and profits are up. Well, sure they got six thousand more people living on macaroni and cheese.
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I'm angry at the Catholic Church because it says women can't be priests. Right. Like my big dream is to run around in a long black dress and do altar boys. But I think I should have the choice. The pope agrees that women cannot be priests and this is his reason: because there were no women priests when Jesus lived. And that's true.
But there was also no pope. Does that stop him?
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A journey of ten thousand miles begins with the first step, according to that ancient Chinese philosopher Confucius. Today's journey of ten thousand miles begins with a dead battery, a misplaced credit card, a flat tire and missing luggage!
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Q: What do UFOs and caring men have in common?

A: You keep hearing about them but never see any for yourself.
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That's the jokes for today.
Have a GOOD one!
Chuck ...... and the Computer
 

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