TODAY'S JOKES 3-4-03
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REMINDERS:

St. Patrick's Day Mon, Mar 14 - 16 days

Spring Equinox Fri, Mar 21 - 17 days
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JOKES:
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And now... the "Birth Announcement" **


There was an expectant father who had spent quite some time waiting for the offspring to arrive - at his in-laws' place.

As his leave balance had gone into the red, he tells his father-in-law, "When my son comes, do not call up my office and say that I have become a father of a boy because I'll have to shell out a lot for parties.

Just leave me a message that the clock has arrived. This will be our code for the arrival of the baby."

The offspring does finally arrive one day, but it's a daughter.
The father-in-law now thinks to himself, "If I tell him that the clock has not arrived, he'll misunderstand and think that something has happened to the baby and come rushing over."

So the father-in-law left the following message: "The clock has arrived, but the pendulum is missing."
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There were two old men sitting on a park bench. A blonde woman walks by. One old man says to the other one, "Ever sleep with a blonde?"

The other old man says, "Many a time.
Many a time."

A brunette then walks by. The old man says to the other, "Ever sleep with a brunette?"

The other old man says, "Many a time.
Many a time."

A redhead walks by, and the old man says to the other, "Ever sleep with a redhead?"

The other old man says, "Not a wink."
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If you want to know exactly where the property line is, just watch the neighbor cut the grass.
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Bizarre Presidential FACTS

Ronald Reagan, the 40th U.S. president, saved 77 people from drowning as a lifeguard in his youth at a riverside beach near Dixon, Illinois.

20th president of the United States James Garfield could write Greek with one hand while writing Latin with the other.

Abe Lincoln, the 16th president of the United States, carried letters, bills, and notes in his notorious black, top-hat.

First U.S. president George Washington rejected a movement among army officers to make him king of the United States.

William Taft, 27th president of the United States, weighed more than 300 pounds and had a special oversized bathtub in-stalled in the White House.

The 38th president of the United States, Gerald Ford turned down offers to play professional football for the Green Bay Packers & the Detroit Lions.
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Doug went to a psychiatrist and said, "Doc, I'm really worried about my wife. Yesterday she posed for a nude picture."

The psychiatrist said, "Well I wouldn't worry about that. Its probably just an expression of her interest in art. What was the nude picture for?"

Doug said, "Her driver's license."
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My husband is a fixer upper, he can fix just about anything he puts his mind to. Only problem is he gets his words messed up somehow, mispronounces words all the time. One day( back in the day when TV's still used tubes) he said he needed an orizbaba tube, I said, "You mean a horizontal tube", he said "Yeah, that's what i said"! Ok, I thought be a wise guy.
We go to the tv repair shop and the guy behind the counter asks my husband how can he help him? My husband says he needs a orizaba tube, I thought here he is gonna get it now... the guy never blinks, he goes to the back of the store room comes back and says we are all out of those.
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One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's office. When I walked through the main entrance, I noticed a woman, curlers in her hair, wearing pajamas. "Why are you dressed like that?" I asked her.

"I told my son," she explained, "that if he ever did anything to embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught cutting school. So now I've come to spend the day with him!"
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A scientist in Australia has invented a bra which offers more support and prevents a woman's breasts from bouncing up and down.

After announcing his invention, the scientist was taken outside and beaten by a large group of men"
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A young man came home from the office and found his bride sobbing convulsively. "I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."

"Forget it," consoled her husband.
"Remember that I've got an extra pair of pants for that suit."

"Yes, and it's lucky you have," said the woman, drying her eyes. "I used them to patch the hole."
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A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, "Here's another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," and she pushes him back onto the seat.

A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is insulted again and refuses to let him up.
Finally, the man says, "Look, lady, you've got to let me get up. I'm two miles past my stop already."
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That's the jokes for today.
Have a GOOD one!
Chuck ....and the Computer

C. S. ROLLASON WHOLESALERS

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