REMINDERS:

St. Patrick's Day - Thu, March 17 - 20

Spring Equinox - Sun, March 20 - 23 days
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JOKES:
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I took my 79-year-old mother to a bingo game.
When she fell on her way into the hall, a gentleman rushed to her aid and helped her safely down the stairs. A little later when we were seated, mother smiled at me and said, "Well, that's one way to get a man to put his arms around you!"
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My sister-in-law Angie and I owned a small wholesale floral business. As well as having major suppliers, we also dealt with hobbyists who grew flowers on their windowsills and in small greenhouses. Sometimes our fragile orchids would die in transit, and, as they were usually ordered for special occasions, we'd be in a panic to replace them. Usually a specific color would have been requested, such as white with a purple center (which is also called a throat) or yellow with a mauve throat.

One of our suppliers was a doctor who grew Cattleya (cats) and Phalaenopsis (phals)
orchids as a hobby. The doctor had given us permission to call him at his work if we ever needed a quick replacement, and one day we did. He told us later that as he was just finishing with a patient, his receptionist stuck her head around the corner. "Angie's on the phone," she said. "The Cat with the yellow throat died. Do we have another?"
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Q. What's the worst thing you can say to a man who complains that his wife is frigid?

A. "No, she isn't!"
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It was our second anniversary, and my husband sent me flowers at the office.

He told the florist to write, "Happy Anniversary, Year Number 2," on the card.

I was thrilled with the flowers, but not so pleased about the card. It read, "Happy Anniversary. You're Number 2."
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MANAGER: So what's the new guy like?


SUPERVISOR: He's nice, funny, generous and efficient.

MANAGER: Oh, so that's why no one likes him.
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All the monks in a certain monastery sing the simple word "Morning!" from their windows each sunrise. Early one day after several "Morning!" greetings have been sung melodiously into the dawn air, a single greeting of "Evening!" rings out of one window.

In the courtyard below, Brother Timothy looks around startled, and says, "Did you hear that, Brother Edward?"

"Hear what, Brother Timothy?" replied Brother Edward.

Brother Timothy sang in reply: "Someone chanted evening..."
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On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want)
passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
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Joyce was really embarrassed and said to her husband, "I'll never go anywhere again with you as long as I live."

Mark wanted to know what he did to cause such an outburst.

"You asked Mrs. Johnson how her husband was standing the heat... and he's been dead for two months!"
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The teacher in our bible class asked a woman to read from the Book of Numbers about the Israelites wandering in the desert. "The Lord heard you when you wailed, "If only we had meat to eat!" she began. "Now the Lord will give you meat. You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, or ten or twenty days, but for a month...until you loathe it."

The woman paused, looked up and said..."Hey, isn't that the Atkins diet?"
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Q: What did one undertaker say to the other?


A: Pass me another cold one!
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There was a man who owned some water front property in South Carolina. He was very happy with his property until he realized the there was a manatee that constantly swam in the waters that were "his".

This became more and more irksome to the man, until he could stand it no longer. At last he resolved to rid himself of the troublesome creature. Calling to it he said "hey, what's your name?"

"Hugh," came the reply, as Hugh obligingly swam over to the man. At this point the man grabbed Hugh and began to beat him viscously.
The police were called and the man arrested.

When the case came to trial, his lawyer argued it should be thrown out of court - since assault against a marine mammal was not an offense.

The judge overruled this argument. "Clearly,"
he said, "this is a crime against Hugh manatee."
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While camping up the Lake District, I woke up one morning in the middle of a field with a thumb that was twice normal size, I later found out I'd broke it and tore the tendons.

No wonder it hurt picking a pint up with it, so I ended up drinking with my left-hand.
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Raising six children during the Depression took its toll on my parents'relationship and, when I was eighteen years old, they divorced. Daddy never had very close relationships with his children and he drifted even farther away from us after the divorce.

Several years later a wonderful woman came into his life, and they were married. She had two sons, one of them still at home. Under her influence, we became a "blended family" and a strong relationship formed between us. It was because of our other mother that Daddy became closer to his own children. They shared over twenty-five years together before he passed away.

I will never forget the unconditional love shown by my stepmother when I asked her if she would object to my mother attending Daddy's funeral. Without giving it a second thought, she immediately replied, "Of course not Honey, she's the mother of my children."
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Don Rickles is my best friend, which gives you some idea of the difficulty I have in making friends.

- Bob Newhart -
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We had set up a hobby beehive at our family cottage, and now only needed some bees. My aunt said she knew a man who had a bee farm and could supply us with them. I asked if we'd have to pay.

"Of course you will," she replied with a grin, "there are no freebees."
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Love is in the Air...Maybe?


If you have ever wondered how you can tell if you're really in love, just ask your- self this question...."Would I mind being destroyed financially by this person?"

If you want your marriage to sizzle remember this: When you're wrong, admit it. When you're right, keep your mouth shut!

Adam to Eve...."Do you still love me?" Eve to Adam..."Who else?"
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That's the jokes for today and for this week.
Have a GREAT weekend!
Chuck ...... and the Computer

 

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