REMINDERS:

NCAA March Madness Begins Tue, Mar 12 - 18 days

St. Patrick's Day - Fri, Mar 17 - 21 days

Spring Equinox - Mon, Mar 20 - 24 days
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JOKES:
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At the company water cooler, I bragged about my children's world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another was working in southern Italy, and my daughter was completing a yearlong research project in India.

One co-worker's quip, however, stopped me short. "What is it about you," he asked, "that makes your kids want to get so far away?"
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We've all heard the stat it's safer to fly in a plane than to drive in a car. What about the stat that says it's safer to CRASH in a car than it is in a plane?! You get in a car wreck, people say, "Was anyone hurt?" You get in a plane wreck, people say, "Was anyone RECOGNIZABLE?"
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There was a church that had a very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played.
Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably.

The very proper church ladies were appalled.
They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

One of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to mash up some green persimmons, (if you eat them they make you pucker, because they are so sour) and rub them on her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size. She agreed to try it.

The following Sunday morning the minister got up on the pulpit and said, "Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol we will not hath a thermon tewday"
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While teaching the names of the planets, the kids really like Pluto because it reminded them of the cartoon dog. So when I was reviewing the unit with them the following day, I used that as a hint. "Remember, this one has the same name as a cartoon dog." One girl blurted out:
"Snoopy!"
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"I'm on that new Japanese diet."


"How does it work?"

"You're only allowed to use one chopstick."
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"When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'What do you need?'" --Unknown
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Did you hear about the elephant hunter who hurt his back?

He was carrying decoys.
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A fellow took his younger brother to the golf course with his pals. The younger boy thought he'd play his first game. He watched all the older boys tee off, and then stepped up to hit the ball.

"ONE!" he yelled, as he swung at the ball.

His brother rolled his eyes and said, "Why didn't you yell 'Fore' like the rest of us?"

The boy said, "You aim at whichever hole you want, I'm trying to hit the first one."
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It's my least favorite season of the year, bathing suit season. I don't know why we all can't be shaped like those 18-year-old boys they design those suits for.
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"They say you can compare a man's shoe size to his manhood. So that's why I keep my skis on everywhere I go."

Garry Shandling
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Children who feel they have a voice, feel they have power. Children who feel they have power, feel safe and secure.
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A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him what happened.

"I did a terrible thing," sniffed the drunk, "Just a few hours ago I sold my wife to someone for a bottle of Southern Comfort."

"That is awful," said the other guy, "And now that she is gone you want her back right?"

"Right!" said the drunk, still crying.

"You're sorry you sold her because you realized, too late, that you still loved her,right?"

"Oh, No," said the drunk. I want her back because I'm thirsty again!"
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partner.

"'To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key? I see Esk, Catarl, and Pig-Up. There doesn't seem to be any ANY key. Woo! All this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I'll order a TAB." - Homer Simpson

"I don't know what all the fuss is about, what's more American than shooting your buddy in the ass?" --David Letterman
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That's the jokes for today and for this week.
Have a GREAT weekend!
Chuck ....... and the Computer
 

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