REMINDERS:

Washington's Birthday - Wed, Feb 22 1 days

NCAA March Madness Begins Tue, Mar 12 - 21 days

St. Patrick's Day - Fri, Mar 17 - 24 days

Spring Equinox - Mon, Mar 20 - 27 days
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JOKES:
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Man: "My wife has the worst memory I ever heard of."

Friend: "Forgets everything, eh?"

Man: "No, remembers everything."
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The generation that criticizes the younger generation is the one that raised it.
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If you're not behaving properly, don't expect your children to.
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Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle.

Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle.
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The finest kind of friendship is between people who expect a great deal of each other but never ask it.
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If the right man does not come along, there are many fates far worse. One is to have the wrong man come along.
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Fer sell cheep: IBM spel chekker. Wurks grate.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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If a cat worked for a cell phone company, what would he say?

Can you hear me meow?
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A woman went to the mall to buy Valentine's Day cards for her son and father. The 50 feet of displays for hundreds of cards astounded her.

She muttered out loud, "I wonder if they have anything for ex- husbands."

The clerk behind the counter said, "Oh, yes m'am, they do, but they're in Sporting Goods."

"Really?" exclaimed the woman.

"Yes m'am. They're called darts."
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Home computers, the perfect thing for women who don't feel men provide them with enough frustration!
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Carol Burnett, the former queen of prime time comedy (1967-1979), was getting out of a taxicab in from of the TV studio. She accidentally slammed the door shut on her coat and the oblivious cabbie took off. Carol was forced to run along side in order not to be dragged off her feet. After running several blocks, she was finally rescued by a pedestrian who hailed the cab and brought the vehicle to a stop.

The cabbie, now realizing what had happened, jumped out of his car and ran to Carol's side.
"Are you all right?" he asked.

"Fine," panted Carol. "But how much more do I owe you?"
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Always look out for number one--and be careful not to stop in number two. ~Rodney Dangerfield~
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"Mom, guess what? I won the election for class president!"

"Honestly?"

"Did you have to bring that up?"
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Iraq's Vice President says that the country should consist of autonomous regions that live off the country's oil wealth. We already have a region like that in the U.S.; it's called "Texas."
(Novak)
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Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
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While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.
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The Heineken Uncertainty Principle: You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
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Senator Chuck Schumer has urged President Bush to send a team of ex-generals, such as Norman Schwarzkopf, Colin Powell, to access the military situation in Iraq. But the White House says it's happy to continue getting its war advice from and Colonel Klink and Cap'n Crunch. (Novak)
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Ford is set to release a huge new SUV called the "Everest." The vehicle is reportedly big enough to hold 6 adults, 7 children, and
135,000 laid-off Ford factory workers. (Novak)
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What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day? Hog and kisses!

Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy? It was Valenswine's Day!

What did the Valentines card say to the stamp?
Stick with me and we'll go places!

Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day? Sure, they're very scent-imental!

What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day? A hug and a quiche!

Why do valentines have hearts on them?
Because spleens would look pretty gross!

What does a man who loves his car do on February 14? He gives it a valenshine!

What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend?
"Be my valenstein!"
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That's the jokes for today.
Have a GOOD one!
Chuck ..... and the Computer
 

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