TODAY'S JOKES 2-20-03
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REMINDERS:

St. Patrick's Day Mon, Mar 17 - 25 days

Spring Equinox Fri, Mar 21 - 29 days
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JOKES:
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A young gay man calls home and tells his Jewish mother that he has met a wonderful girl and is going to be married. He is sure she will be happier since he knows his gay lifestyle has been very disturbing to her.

She responds that she is indeed delighted and asks tentatively, "I suppose it would be too much to hope that she would be Jewish?"

He tells her that not only is the girl Jewish but from a wealthy Beverly Hills family.

She admits she is overwhelmed by the news, and asks, "What is her name?"

He answers,"Monica Lewinsky".

There is a long pause, then his mother asks, "What happened to that nice Catholic boy you were dating last year?"
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At the company where I work, the other operators and I share a coffeepot. One morning I took it into the ladies room to fill it with water. Then I began preening in the mirror, brushing my hair and reapplying some makeup.

I didn't realize how long I'd been until someone slid a note under the door.

"You win," it read.
Any ransom demand will be met.
Just release the coffeepot."
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This guy goes to Amsterdam to videotape a presentation. While staying in his hotel he finds an awesome porn channel on the TV, but, alas, he has no VCR or way to record it.

With a flash of inspiration, he sets up his video camera, points it at the TV, and tapes a few hours of hard core video.

On arriving home, he tells his best friend about the trip. The conversation gets around to the porn tape and the man lends his friend the tape.

A couple of days later, the friend returns the tape. "Did, ahh, did you watch your tape?"

"No. I was watching the original. Wasn't any need to see the tape."

"Well, uhh, before you lend it out again, maybe you should watch it," the friend advises.

The guy did as he was advised. And never lent out the tape again.

You see, the fella had forgotten to take into account the
*reflective* nature of a television screen .
. .
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Doctors said that the test most commonly used to screen for colon cancer doesn't go far enough.
They're recommending a procedure that involves photographing the entire colon. I say, don't give CBS an idea for another reality show.

-Bill Maher
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Stupid Steve: My new boss told me that the early bird catches the worm.

Butch: And have you taken that advice?

Stupid Steve: I sure have. I leave the office early every day and go fishing.
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Home is where you can say anything you like ...
because nobody listens to you anyway.
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The U. S. Treasury has announced they are recalling the new West Virginia quarter. According to the Treasury officials, the quarter will not work in parking meters, toll booths or vending machines.
Apparently the duct tape holding the two dimes and nickel together keeps jamming the machines.
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Jewish Marriage advice "Don't marry a beautiful person. They may leave you.
Of course, an ugly person may leave you too. But who cares?"
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A new study by the American Heart Association found that as little as a single glass of wine or beer per week can significantly reduce a man's risk of a stroke.

And 10 or 12 a night keeps you from caring even if you DO have a stroke.
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Bernie had a fight with Rachel, his wife, and went to the movies to cool off. Later that evening, he decided to phone home to see what the situation was and maybe even apologize.
"Hello, darling," he said, "what are you making for dinner?"
"What am I making for dinner? After all the horrible things you said to me earlier, you want to know what I am making for dinner?? Poison, that's what I'm making, poison."
Bernie replies, "Okay then, just make one portion, I'm not coming home."
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A stewardess did her usual act of showing passengers the safety drill. Near the end she said, "'And in the event of an emergency, bend forward and put your head between your legs.' Jill turned to her husband and said, "I can't bend that far these days!"

Her husband replied with a smile, "Well, you'll have to put your head between my legs."

Jill looked wide-eyed at her husband. "And where could you put your head?" she asked.

"Honey," said her husband, "if you've got your head between my legs I won't give a damn where my head is!"
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That's the jokes for today.
Have a GOOD one!
Chuck .......and the Computer

C. S. ROLLASON WHOLESALERS

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