REMINDERS:

Daytona 500 - Sun, Feb 19 - 3 days

Presidents' Day - Mon, Feb 20 - 4 days

Washington's Birthday - Wed, Feb 22 6 days

NCAA March Madness Begins Tue, Mar 13 - 27 days
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JOKES:
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Men who don't understand women fall into two categories: bachelors and husbands.
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A passenger train is creeping along, slowly.
Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk again.
She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"
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"Knowledge is free, but you have to bring your own container."
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Politicians represent you well as long as your interests coincide with their large contributors'.
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You can teach an old dog new tricks if the old dog wants to learn.
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A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.
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While taking down the vitals for a soon-to-be mom, I asked how much she weighed.

"I really don't know," she said.

"Well, more or less," I prompted.

"More, I guess," she answered sadly.
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In war there is no second prize for the runner-up.
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He has a concrete mind...permanently set and all mixed up.
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LAST LAUGH - JUST SOME THINGS TO THINK ABOUT On the bags of miniature candy bars it says, 'Fun Size.' Does this mean that the regular size bars are no fun?

Why do mothers always say that their child cannot play until their room is clean? What will the room look like after the child plays?

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to forgive each other as quickly and effortlessly as children forgive each other?

Isn't it better by far that you forget and smile rather than remember and be sad?

Why would there be a key to happiness? Isn't the door always open?

Where do socks go when they get lost in the dryer?
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Vacation: Two weeks on the sunny sands, the rest of the year on the financial rocks.
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If Bill gates put all his money under his mattress and fell out of bed, it would take him eighteen minutes to hit the floor.
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"This is the toughest sponge cake I ever ate."


"That's funny, the sponges I used were fresh."
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I was setting out some weed poison when my neighbor asked, "Are you going to kill the weeds in your front yard?" I said, "No, I'm going to leave this out here and hope they commit herbicide."
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Canadian Wisdom Chant

I would like to share an old Native Canadian chant. Each year during the first week of February , the Native Canadians would wake up at sunrise and repeat their chant over and over. They did this powerful chant primarily for three very important reasons:

1. To ensure that their crops are bountiful and will keep them and their families fed all year;
2. To ward off harm/evil; 3. And gain great wisdom.

It goes like this: Oooooh waaaaah (pause)
Taaaaa foooooo (pause) Lie aaaammmm (pause)

Now repeat it without the pause. As you repeat it more often and more quickly, its message becomes clear and you will become wise! Try it. It works very well and very quickly!!!
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"Are you all ready for the Super Bowl? I got one of those new big-screen video iPods to watch it on. It's two and a half inches wide."
--Jay Leno "It was reported today that U.S. military bases will not show 'Brokeback Mountain.' However, during interrogations, U.S. troops will continue to show 'Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo.'"
--Conan O'Brien "Ultimately, Stephen Harper, the conservative, is the new prime minister, ending 13 years of liberal rule in Canada. They picked up not as many parliamentary seats as they thought they might, but they picked up quite a few, more than the liberals. But the real question on everybody's mind is, can we still stitch their flags on our backpacks to get through Europe?" --Jon Stewart "I have a friend whose life is so boring, he has a bumper sticker on his car that says, 'Hit me.
I need the excitement.'" --Bill Jones "Cured ham? No thanks, pal. Cured of what?
What if it has a relapse on my plate?" --Tommy Sledge "I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day." --E.
B. White "I used to be the next president of the United States." ---Al Gore
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what is the difference between a loaf of bread and an elephant?

You don't know?! I wouldn't want to send you to the store!
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Q. What can a goose do , a duck can't and a lawyer should?

A. Stick its bill up its ass.
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Some Valentine Traditions

In Wales wooden love spoons were carved and given as gifts on February 14th. Hearts, keys and keyholes were favorite decorations on the spoons. The decoration meant,"You unlock my heart!"

Love knots have series of winding and interlacing loops with no beginning and no end. A symbol of everlasting love, love knots were made from ribbon or drawn on paper.

In some countries, a young woman may receive a gift of clothing from a young man. If she keeps the gift, it means she will marry him.

Some people used to believe that if a woman saw a robin flying overhead on Valentine's Day, it meant she would marry a sailor. If she saw a sparrow, she would marry a poor man and be very happy. If she saw a goldfinch, she would marry a millionaire.

A love seat is a wide chair. It was first made to seat one woman and her wide dress. Later, the love seat or courting seat had two sections, often in an S-shape. In this way, a couple could sit together -- but not too closely!

Think of some names of guys/gals you might marry, As you twist the stem of an apple, recite the names until the stem comes off. You will marry the person whose name you were saying when the stem fell off.

Pick a dandelion that has gone to seed. Take a deep breath and blow the seeds into the wind.
Count the seeds that remain on the stem. That is the number of children you will have.
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A study shows men are hit by lightning four times as often as women, usually after saying, 'I'll call you.'
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That's the jokes for today.
Have a GOOD one!
Chuck ..... and the Computer
 

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