REMINDERS:

Lincoln's Birthday Sat, Feb 12 - 2 days

NFL - Pro Bowl Sun, Feb 13 - 3 days

Daytona 500 - Sun, Feb 20 - 10 days

Presidents' Day - Mon, Feb 21 - 11 days

Washington's Birthday - Tue Feb 20 - 13 days
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JOKES:
.......
Wayne, a friend of mine, owns an auto-repair business. One day a woman called to inquire when he could work on her car. "I'm not busy now," he replied. "bring it right in."

A short time later, the woman pulled into the service bay, stopping her small car perfectly over the wide, deep grease pit.

"Wow!" Remarked Wayne. "That's great driving. Your wheels only have a couple of inches to spare on each side of the pit."

She looked blankly at him and asked, "What pit?"
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Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a rowboat and taking the tartar sauce with you.
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"Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill." (Johnny Carson...October 23,
1925--January 23, 2005)
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The young mom was almost crazy with her three young kids. She complained to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts!! Such pests.
They give me no rest and I'm half way to the funny farm."

"What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," her friend said.

So she bought a playpen A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going.

"Superb! I can't believe it," the young mother said. "I get in that pen with a good book, a chocolate bar, and the kids don't bother me for hours!"
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I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance.

She leaned over and pushed me!
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The Seven Ages of Man Are:

spills

drills

thrills

bills

ills

pills

& wills.
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Two shoe salespeople were sent to Africa to open up new markets. Three days after arriving, one salesperson called the office and said, "I'm returning on the next flight. Can't sell shoes here. Everybody goes barefoot."

At the same time the other salesperson sent an email to the factory, telling, "The prospects are unlimited. Nobody wears shoes here!"
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Benny Cohen was pulled out of the ocean by a lifeguard. His wife ran over sobbing, "Benny!
Benny, what happened?!"

"Madam, please don't get hysterical," said the lifeguard.

"I'm just going to give your husband some artificial respiration and he'll be fine."

"What!" Mrs. Cohen yelled. "My Benny gets either real respiration or nothing."
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My girl friend is on a new diet...coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but can she climb a tree!
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Ring lost for more than 25 years found

A city worker cleaning a giant storm drain near Denver found a class ring that had been lost more than 25 years and located its owner. John Carlson, the Arvada city worker who found the gold 1978 Pomona High School ring, took it home and meticulously cleaned it, KMGH-TV, Denver, reported Wednesday. He then used the Reunion.com Web site to find the owner, Gerry Duran, who lives in Del Norte, Colo. Duran's mother picked up her son's ring Tuesday and recalled how it was lost more than 25 years ago. "Gerry was getting ready for school and was going to take a shower. He took his class ring off and he dropped it and had just flushed the toilet so it went down (with) the stool," said Duran's mother, Margie Johnson, who also praised Carlson and his fellow workers. "I think it's remarkable," Johnson said. "You hear about employees going the extra mile. I can't imagine wanting to even clean a ring that's been in the sewer system for 28 years."
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"The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money". (Johnny Carson...1925-2005)
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Leaving the wedding reception the honeymoon couple hailed a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills. The driver wasn't too sure how to get there and said he would ask directions when they got closer.
Meanwhile, the lovers couldn't wait and got down to it on the back seat. Seeing a fork in the road the driver said "I take the next turn right?"

"No way, get your own," said the groom, "this one's all mine."
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I believe my daughter wants a pair of glasses. I don't know why she does. Perhaps glasses are now "cool" to have in school? But though she sees just fine, she still says she needs glasses.

I took her to the eye doctor just to check it out though. She was asked to read the bottom row of letters on the eye chart.

She said, "All right, I can see the 'O' and the 'P' and the 'T,' but... not the 'N' and the 'Z.'"
************************************
That's the jokes for today.
Have a GOOD one!
Chuck ...... and the Computer
 

 

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