TODAY'S JOKES 2-10-03
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REMINDERS:

Presidents' Day - Mon, Feb 17 - 7 days
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JOKES:
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When my son was little, he'd ask a hundred questions daily.

Once I told him, "What would happen if I asked as many questions as you do?"

Without a pause he replied, "Well, then, you might be able to answer some of mine.
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A major electronics company, Siemens, is introducing a tiny necklace cell phone for women.

Have you seen this thing? It's on a chain - you wear it around your neck - it hangs down right here to a woman's cleavage.

The only problem women have with it; when it rings, every guy in the room yells, 'I'll get it.' - Jay Leno
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The Fine Print

The difference between education and experience:

Education is what you get from reading the small print, Experience is what you get from not reading it.
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A giraffe and bunny meet up in the forest.
Giraffe, in his usual arrogant way starts up a conversation.
"So, bunny, do you know how great it is to have such a long neck?"
he asks, a faint tone of smugness in his voice.
"I'm sure I don't," replies bunny, obviously not really that interested.
"Well, to begin with, when I'm hungry and I chew my beautiful leaves, how can I describe the sensation of the leaves going down my throat....they go down and down and down....it's one hour of sheer pleasure."
"Really, how fascinating," replies bunny, one eyebrow raised.
Oblivious to bunny's lack of enthusiasm, giraffe continues, "And when I'm thirsty, and I drink water, for a full hour it goes down....and down....and down...It's heaven on earth!"
"Amazing," comments bunny, "but just one question. Have you ever thrown up?"
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A couple was having dinner in a posh restaurant. The husband seemed preoccupied and his wife told him so.

He replied, "I'm sorry darling, I have to make a confession about something. Could you possibly love a man who swindled his partner out of 3 million dollars?"

"Perhaps," said the wife, "provided the man doesn't chicken out and make restitution."
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Little Johnny was talking to a friend, complaining about his Mom.
He said "My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her mental pause."
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"I just invented a new car that has a coffeemaker built right into the dashboard," said Mr. Morgan.

"It makes driving in the morning rush hour a lot easier."

"Why is that?" asked Mr. Norton?"

"You can perk the car anywhere."
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I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom ! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
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When my daughter was three, we watched Snow White and the Seven Dwarves for the first time. The wicked queen appeared, disguised as an old lady selling apples, and my daughter was spellbound.
Then Snow White took a bite of the poisoned apple and fell to the ground unconscious. As the apple rolled away, my daughter spoke up.

"See, Mom. She doesn't like the peel either."
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A fellow is standing in a bar and another guy walks up to him and says, "Are you Joe Smith?"
The fellow says, "Yes, I'm Joe Smith."
He says, "Were you in Chicago in early June?"
The fellow takes out a little notebook and rifles through the pages, and says, "Yeah, I was in Chicago in early June." "Did you stay at the Hyatt?" The guy looks through his notebook again and says, "Yes, I stayed at the Hyatt." "Were you in room 1368?" The fellow checks his notebook and says, "Yes, I was in room 1368."
The guy says, "Did you know a Mrs.
Wentworth who stayed in room
1369?" The guy looks in his book again and says, "Yes, I knew Mrs. Wentworth who stayed in 1369." The guy says, "Tell me, did you have an affair with Mrs. Wentworth?"
The fellow scans his notebook and says, "Yes, I had an affair with Mrs. Wentworth."
The guy says, "Well, I'm Mr. Wentworth and I don't like it!"
Again the fellow looks in his notebook and says, "You know, you're right. I didn't like it either."
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If you believe in creation as espoused in the Bible, then Adam and Eve's children would actually have had to have sex with one another for the earth to have become populated.

This is surely proof positive that Alabama was at one time the Garden of Eden.
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Two farmers, farmer Bob and farmer Dan, are having beers in the local bar. Farmer Bob is a younger man, somewhat new to the farming business. Conversely, farmer Dan has been doing it for nearly 20 years and is the most successful man in town.

After a few hours of drinking, farmer Bob gets up and says, "I'm gonna go home to feed the beaver."

Farmer Dan asks, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Farmer Bob replies, "Well, my wife doesn't know about it, but I like to use names of chores on the farm for having sex."

A few months later, farmer Bob's tractor breaks down. He's so distraught, he decides to drown his sorrows at the local bar.
After sulking for a few hours, farmer Bob decides to return home.
To his surprise, he finds a brand new tractor in front of his house. He begins to jump for joy. He runs inside to look for his wife.

Farmer Bob says to his wife, "Honey, where did this great tractor come from?"

His wife replies, "Well, farmer Bob gave it to me. All I had to do was handle his eggs, and milk his udder!"
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A few years ago a refugee from Laos came to the U.S. in one of the resettlement influxes. He had been an announcer in radio back in Laos, and he wanted to get into the same line of work here. The first thing he did was join AFTRA (American Federation of Television and Radio Announcers).

He tried to pursue a job, but of course, he had problems with the English language, being a new resident.
In order to keep body and soul together while going to English classes, he took up barbering.

Soon, he became a very good barber, giving haircuts, styling, and shaves. He seemed to be an artist with the straight razor. In fact, the shop where he worked made him specialize in giving shaves.

Thus, he became known as an AFTRA shave Laotian.
(Sorry, I should have warned you.)
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That's the jokes for today.
Have a GOOD one!
Chuck .......and the Computer

C. S. ROLLASON WHOLESALERS

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