REMINDERS:

NFL - Postseason Begins Sat, Jan 03 - 1 day

NFL - Super Bowl Sun, Feb 01 - 30 days
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JOKES:
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Do you know what happened this week back in 1850?

California became a state.

The state had no electricity.

The state had no money.

Almost everyone spoke Spanish.

There were gun fights in the streets.

So basically, it was just like California today, only the women had real breasts.
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It is time to take a serious look at our involvement there.

Every day, there are news reports about more deaths. Every night on the TV, are photos of death and destruction. Why are we still there?

The land is too large to secure all of it.
The bad people causing this damage can roam anywhere, and we can't possibly police the whole place. Why are we still there?

We occupied this land, which we had to take by force, but it causes us nothing but trouble. Why are we still there?

Their government is unstable, and in the process of changing. Why are we still there?

Refugees are fleeing by the thousands, driven from their homes.
Why are we still there?

It will cost billions to rebuild, which we can't afford. Why are we still there?

There are more than 1000 religious sects.

We can't even secure the borders. Why are we still there?

And to repeat. Every day we hear of more Americans killed in this dangerous land.

It is clear! We must abandon California!
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Quotes on Marriage

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. -- Henny Youngman My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-- Rodney Dangerfield I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- George Burns At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man." -- Anonymous A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
-- Anonymous Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a pot belly, and still think they are beautiful. -- Anonymous
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Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love and a three- dollar pantyhose that won't run.
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AGE BAROMETER....
DO YOU REMEMBER THE FOLLOWING?

1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottles
5. Coffee shops with table side jukeboxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P. F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive - 6933)

12. Pea shooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S&H Green Stamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with levers
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulbs
20. Beanie and Cecil
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers
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A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail.
Finally they reached the ticket window.
"Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one way."
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About a week before Christmas, this guy asks his son what he wants from Santa for Chrismas. "Well", says the lad, "anything, as long as he doesn't bring me a BIKE!"

The guy, taken aback, says; "Oh, it's OK, I bet he'd bring you a bike if you wanted one.

The boy looks around furtively, and says; "It's ok - I found one hidden at the back of the garage last night."
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My three-year-old niece gave this reaction to her Christmas dinner: "I don't like the turkey, but I like the bread he ate."
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WHAT I WISH I'D KNOWN SOONER

Don't drink grape juice while wearing a white shirt and driving to school.

Don't let your life wait for other people.

Dropping a cellular phone into a bathtub of water kinda'kills the phone.

Being nice to people will get you far.

The one person you can truly love is often right in front of you.

Never, ever, EVER let a member of the opposite sex make you compromise your standards. Never.
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Based on a true ER story. No idiot in his spare time could dream this one up.

My brother in law's sister is an RN at a Chicago hospital. One evening, when she was on emergency room duty, a young man came waddling into the room assisted by his young wife. "I want to speak to the doctor," he says.

"Could you tell me what the problem is?"
replied the woman behind the desk.

"I want to speak to the doctor," he replies.
His wife begins to snicker. Eventually the doctor comes and gets the story. The couple are newlyweds. It was her birthday.
The man decided to surprise her. His plan was to insert a small birthday candle into his erect penis, light it, and walk into the room singing, "Happy birthday to you."

Well, when he inserted the little candle, he coughed, and the candle was pulled out of sight. The efforts of his panic only caused the candle to go down further. The doctor had to sedate him with valium and recruit several of the ER staff to assist in extracting the candle. As the young woman assisted her wobbly husband out to the car, the laughter from the ER could be heard for blocks.
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A man walked into the doctor's office for an appointment. "Would you like to tell me your problem?" the pretty receptionist asked. "I'll need the information for the doctor."

"It's rather embarrassing," the man stammered. "You see, I have a very large and almost constant erection."

"Well, the doctor is very busy today," the receptionist cooed, "but maybe I can squeeze you in."
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The 70-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic surgeon's office. "You know, Doc," he said, "I've made love in more exotic cars than anyone I know. Must be at least a thousand."
"And now, I suppose, you want me to treat you for the arthritis you got from scrunching up in all those uncomfortable positions," the doctor said.
"Heck, no," the old fellow replied. "I want to borrow your Porsche!"
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That's the jokes for today and for this week.
Have a GREAT weekend!!!
Chuck ......and the Computer

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