REMINDERS:

NFL - Super Bowl Sun, Feb 01 - 3 days

Groundhog Day Mon, Feb 02 - 4 days

Valentine's Day Sat, Feb 14 - 16 days

Daytona 500 Mon, Feb 15 - 17 days

Presidents' Day Mon, Feb 16 - 18 days
**********************

JOKES:
..........
Former CBS news anchor Walter Cronkite was traveling through an airport with his wife, Betsy, when he was approached by a woman who thought he looked familiar. "You look a lot like Waller Cronkite before he died, only a bit heavier," she observed.

"I've heard that," said the gravelly-voiced newsman, who then turned to his wife and asked, "What did Cronkite die of?"

Without missing a beat, Betsy responded, "Thinness."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A mother took her six-year old daughter to the ballet. This was the first time the little girl had ever seen a ballet and she watched wide-eyed as the ballerinas pranced around the stage on their toes.

When the ballet was over, the mother asked her daughter if she had any questions.

'Yes, Mommy,' the little girl replied, 'Wouldn't it be easier if they just hired taller dancers?'
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked me for my autograph.

Shirley Temple
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
The Stormy Sea

As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?" One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."

"Good," said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets. We're one short."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Ya hear about the new 'time-release' Viagra? Ya take it at night, and it gets ya up in the morning.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Said a woman with open delight, "My pubic hair's perfectly white.
I admit there's a glare, But the fellows don't care.
They locate it more quickly at night."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Mike Tyson gets out of jail and proceeds to do what he does best... find a woman with whom he may "commiserate". After a wild night of getting it on, it's time for the young lady to leave. As she's getting dressed, she and Mike are having a conversation.

She says, "Lotsa guys want to know how it was. Well, I have good news and bad news for you. Which would you like first?"

Mike thinks for a moment and says, "What the hell, give me the good news."

She tells him, "The good news is that you're bigger than Magic Johnson."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
The waitress was waiting as patiently as she could while the smartass man was dawdling over the breakfast menu. He says: "I never return to a restaurant unless at least one of the sausages I'm served is a match in size for my own."

The waitress replied, "In that case, sir, perhaps you should take a look at the children's menu...."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A New Yorker was being shown around the back country of Louisiana by his cousin. "Is it true that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?" he asked.

The cousin smirked, "Depends on how fast ya carry it."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Little Johnny was practicing the violin in the living room while his Uncle was trying to read in the den.
The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Johnny's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly.

His uncle listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could.
Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For hells sake, Johnny, can't you play something this damn dog doesn't know?!"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
It was New Year's day and the Rose Parade was just starting. To get the best view, we had splurged on reserved seats in the grandstand. Yet every time a float passed, the large man in front of us stood to take pictures. We could see nothing.

Drastic action was called for. I took a picture of the scene in front of us with my Polaroid. When the photo developed, I gave it to the man, who looked wordlessly at a shot of his rear end.

He remained seated for the rest of the parade.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
These are all actual lines from military performance appraisals.

1. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
2. A room temperature IQ.
3. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
4. A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
5. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
6. As bright as Alaska in December.
7. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
8. He's so dense, light bends around him.
9. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
10. Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
11. Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A number of new Air-Force recruits were being taken on their first training flight. The plane had just leveled out after taking off when one of the engines seized up, and another began smoking badly.

Adjusting his parachute, the instructor strove for nonchalance as he made his way to the hatch door. "Now, I want you men to keep perfectly calm," he said, "while I go for help."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
The Bible tells us to love our neighbors. It also warns us to love our enemies.

This is probably because they are generally the same people.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one

Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing.
I'm all out of breath.
Darn...I think I'm going to pass out.

Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?

Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn......

Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?

Caller: No Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing?

Caller: Running from the police
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I believe my young daughter wants a pair of glasses. I don't know why she does. Perhaps glasses are now "cool" to have in school?
But though she sees just fine, she still says she needs glasses.

I took her to the eye doctor just to check it out though. She was asked to read the bottom row of letters on the eye chart. She said, "All right, I can see the 'O' and the 'P' and the 'T,' but not the 'N' and the 'Z.'"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Greeting Cards

My tire was thumping, I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire, I noticed your cat.
Sorry!

You had your bladder removed and you're on the mend.
Here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.

You've announced that you're gay, won't that be a laugh, when they find out you're one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy!
Cause when I had mine I got real snippy.

Heard your wife left you, how upset you must be.
But don't fret about it, she moved in with me.

You totaled your car and can't remember why.
Could it have been, that whole case of Bud Dry?
*******************************
That's the jokes for today.
Have a GOOD One!!!
Chuck ......and the Computer

C. S. ROLLASON WHOLESALERS

Like to make money from your kitchen table?
Check out our helpful sites below.... we also supply
help for established home operated businesses...

http://www.homebucks.com
http://www.future-world.com/10246.htm

The Best-Kept Secrets Revealed!
http://hop.clickbank.net/hop.cgi?crollason/aboutcom

Need Labels??? Check out my label site at:
http://chuck.clickprint.com

95 %, The highest Network Payout in the history of MLM. $95 out of $100!
$50.00 fast start bonus on every sale you make, including the first one!
Check: it out at:
http://www.goupp.com/power95/ch795

"How To Create Automatic Money Machines On The Internet" - Full 7 Letter Series - Free!
Visit Our Site To Sign Up Now:

http://www.thewarriorgroup.com/cgi-bin/a.pl?warriors&4053

Check out my Daily Journal (here’s what I’m doing.)
http://www.homebucks.com/chucks/daily.html