REMINDERS:

NFL - Super Bowl Sun, Feb 01 - 13 days

Groundhog Day Mon, Feb 02 - 14 days

Valentine's Day Sat, Feb 14 - 26 days

Daytona 500 Mon, Feb 16 - 28 days

Presidents' Day Mon, Feb 16 - 28 days
**********************

JOKES:
..........
My sister, went to the department store to check out the bridal registry of our niece whose wedding was coming up soon. When my sister returned from the store, she tossed the gift list on a table and declared, "I think she's too young to get married."

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

"Because," she said, "they've registered for Nintendo games."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Johnny was in the playground, with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing.

"Did you get that for your birthday?" he asked.

"Nope," Jimmy replied.

"Well, did you get it for Christmas then?"
Johnny asked.

"Nope."

"You didn't steal it did you?"

"No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were on the job. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me."

Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself.
That night he waited outside his parents' room until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.

Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily, "What do you want now?"

"I wanna watch," Johnny replied.

"Well, stand in the corner and keep quiet then," said his father.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A senior citizen visits his doctor for a routine check-up and everything seems fine. The doctor asks him about his sex life.
"Well..." the man drawled, "not bad at all to be honest. The wife ain't all that interested anymore, so I just cruise around. In the past week I was able to pick-up and bed at least three girls, none of whom were over thirty years old."

"My goodness Frank, and at your age, too." the doctor said. "I hope you took at least some precautions."

"Yep. I may be old, but I ain't senile yet doc. I gave 'em all a phony name."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
An Engineer, a Mathematician and an Arts graduate were given the task of finding the height of a church steeple (the first to get the correct solution wins a $1000).

The Engineer tried to remember things about differential pressures, but resorted to climbing the steeple and lowering a string on a plumb bob until it touched the ground and then climbed down and measured the length of the string.

The Mathematician layed out a reference line, measured the angle to the top of the steeple from both ends and worked out the height by trigonometry.

However, the Arts graduate won the prize.
He bought the vicar a beer in the local pub and he told him how high the church steeple was.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Police Officer O'Leary is cruising around in his patrol car one night. He is on the lookout for trouble. He sees two little old ladies in the front seat of a Chevrolet convertible, parked in "Honest John's" used car lot. The car lot is closed, so O'Leary drives up alongside the Chevy and asks, "Are you two ladies trying to steal this car?"

"Certainly not," says one of the ladies, "we purchased the car this afternoon."

"Well," says the cop, "why don't you start it up and drive out of here?"

"We don't drive," replies the other little old lady. "And besides we are waiting. We were told that if we bought a car here we would get screwed."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
After the funeral the Rabbi said, "I don't think you'll ever find another man like your late husband Morris."

The widow replied, "So who's looking for one?"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
The great American author Edgar Allan Poe, known for his dark Tales, "The Tell-Tale Heart, The Pit and the Pendulum, The Premature Burial" and others, also had a sense of humor. In 1831 when he was a cadet at West Point, parade dress called for "white belts and gloves, under arms." Poe took them literally. He appeared on the parade ground with his rifle balanced on his bare shoulder, wearing nothing but a white belt and gloves.

He was expelled.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Stammerer: "I hea..hea... heard tha...that you can hel...hel...help me".
Speech therapist: "Yes, sure. Ease yourself in the chair, look straight in my eyes, and count slowly till ten".
Stammerer: "O...one, t...two, th...th...three, ..... eight, nine, ten. It's wonderful, I don't stammer anymore!"
Speech therapist: "My fee is 300 dollars."
Stammerer: "H...h...how mu...mu...much?!"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A visitor from Buffalo was strolling along the California surf one morning. During his walk he came upon a fellow, fishing pole clutched in his hands, sound asleep against the side of a huge coastal rock. Just then the pole began to jerk violently.

"Hey, there!" cried the visitor as he roused the fisherman. "Look out there! You have a bite."

"So I do," yawned the drowsy one glancing out at the water. "If you don't mind, will you pull in the line for me?" The visitor, somewhat surprised, did as he was requested.

"Now, mister," continued the fisherman, "put some fresh bait on the hook and cast the line out for me."
Again the visitor complied.

After doing so he turned to the lazy angler.
"You know," he declared, "anyone as lazy as you ought to get married and have a son to do these things for him."

"That's a good idea," beamed the fisherman. "Know where I could find a pregnant woman?"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A man is hired by the circus to perform a necessary but rather unpleasant task. He is asked to walk behind the elephants in the center ring, shoveling aside their droppings as they walk about.
After a rather difficult evening at work, he goes to the circus cafeteria, sits with other workers, and begins complaining about his work.

"It's just terrible work, walking behind those huge beasts and first dodging, then shoveling aside the dung they produce. My arms are tired, my shoes and pants are a mess, and I'll have to shower before I return home, because of the stink."

His friends at work agree: "Why don't you just quit this miserable job and find something more rewarding to do. You have to have some skills and talents that you can put to use somewhere else."

He looks at them, stunned: "You know, you're probably right, but I just can't give up the glamour of show business!"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
"Move the chair" -Frank Lloyd Wright's response to a client who phoned him to complain of rain leaking through the roof of the house onto the dining table.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Kind of ironic, isn't it?


Roy, of Siegfried and Roy, has been playing around with a dick all of his life, ends up getting eaten by a pussy.
******************************
That's the jokes for today.
Have a GOOD one!
Chuck ........and the Computer

C. S. ROLLASON WHOLESALERS

Like to make money from your kitchen table?
Check out our helpful sites below.... we also supply
help for established home operated businesses...

http://www.homebucks.com
http://www.future-world.com/10246.htm

The Best-Kept Secrets Revealed!
http://hop.clickbank.net/hop.cgi?crollason/aboutcom

Need Labels??? Check out my label site at:
http://chuck.clickprint.com

95 %, The highest Network Payout in the history of MLM. $95 out of $100!
$50.00 fast start bonus on every sale you make, including the first one!
Check: it out at:
http://www.goupp.com/power95/ch795

"How To Create Automatic Money Machines On The Internet" - Full 7 Letter Series - Free!
Visit Our Site To Sign Up Now:

http://www.thewarriorgroup.com/cgi-bin/a.pl?warriors&4053

Check out my Daily Journal (here’s what I’m doing.)
http://www.homebucks.com/chucks/daily.html