REMINDERS:

NFL - Super Bowl Sun, Feb 01 - 17 days

Groundhog Day Mon, Feb 02 - 18 days
**********************

JOKES:
..........
A lady noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that's going to help."

"Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Students at school were asked to write about the harmful effects of oil on fish.

One 11-year old wrote, "When my mom opened a tin of sardines last night, it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Once I was sick and I had to go to an ear, nose, and throat man to get well. There are ear doctors, nose doctors, throat doctors, gynecologists, proctologists, any place you got a hole, there's a guy who specializes in your hole.

They make an entire career out of that hole. And if the ear doctor, nose doctor, throat doctor, gynecologist, or proctologist can't help you, he sends you to a surgeon.
Why? So he can make a new hole!
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?"

Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
There are more men than women in mental hospitals - which just goes to show who's driving whom crazy.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
On a high school science quiz, there was the question, "When water becomes ice, which of its physical properties increases?"

Everyone answered, "Its volume."

Except one wise guy who wrote, "When water becomes ice, its price increases."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
SPCA Rescue

"Hello, hello?" shrilled a spinsterish voice over the phone.
"Is this the SPCA?"
"Yes."
"I want you to send somebody over right away."
"What's wrong?"
"There's a horrid magazine salesman sitting in a tree teasing my dog."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Today on the way to work I thought I saw a headline that read "Beer Recall." It was actually "Beef Recall," and the story explained the discovery of mad cow disease in the United States.
Mad cow disease is a condition that causes wasting away of the brain, leading to dementia, loss of coordination, and death.

Now, will somebody explain to me why they're *not* recalling beer?
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Today's useless fact - Why do only female mosquitoes eat human blood? What do male mosquitoes eat?

No, the mosquito menfolk aren't out eating steak and potatoes.
Actually, the main food of both male and female mosquitoes is nectar from flowers. The nectar is converted to glycogen, a fuel potent enough to provide their muscles with energy to fly within minutes of consuming the nectar.
Mosquitoes also possess an organ, known as the fat-body, that is capable of storing sugar for conversion to flight fuel.

Male mosquitoes can exist quite happily on a diet of only nectar, and nature makes certain that they are content—males don't have a biting mouth part capable of piercing the skin of a human. But females have been anatomically equipped to bite because they have an important job to do: lay eggs. In some species, female mosquitoes are not capable of laying any eggs unless they eat a nutritional supplement of some tasty, fresh blood. Their organs convert the lipids in blood into iron and protein that can greatly increase their fecundity.

A mosquito that would lay five or ten eggs without the supplement can lay as many as 200 with a dash of Type O. Although we don't miss the blood sucked out of us, this is quite a feast for the mosquito; many times, she consumes more than her own body weight in blood.

But let's not take it personally. Some studies have indicated that given a choice, mosquitoes prefer the blood of cows to humans, and in the jungle are just as likely to try to bite a monkey or a bird as a human.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Whether a woman fakes her orgasms or not, is something the majority of men would rather not question in case they discovered that she has been all along, and that they are not in fact the stud they thought women go wild for, but rather a pathetic creature with a problem, who needs to be patronized.

For those of you who would prefer not to ask her, but would still like to know, there is a simple checklist to help you.

1. In the middle of lovemaking, and just before the moment it sounds as though she is about to have an orgasm, stop and take away the magazine she has been reading.
If she says "Oh, I was reading that", then she was faking it.

2. If her panting, groaning and screaming are in tune, or sound like a familiar song, then she can't be concentrating enough on the job at hand, and must therefore be faking it. Or else she really likes the song playing on her personal stereo.

3. A rule of thumb, which is usually very accurate, is: stop at random and record her response. If every time you stop she says "Mmmmmmm you were wonderful", then she is faking it. If she says "Don't stop", then she isn't. However, if she says "Don't stop" hours after lovemaking has finished, it is possible that she may have fallen asleep, and missed most of the excitement.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
How do you find out whether a blonde is indeed a true blonde?

You ask her: 'What is 6 and 9 to you?' If she says: '15, why do you ask?', she's a bleached brunette.

If she says: 'Sixty-nine!' and leers, she's a bleached redhead.

If she says: 'Well... umm... I... what was the question again?' then yes, she is a true blonde.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
On her way back from the concession stand while attending a ballgame, Julie asked a man at the end of the row, "Pardon me, but did I step on your foot a few minutes ago?"
Expecting an apology, the man said, "Indeed you did."
Julie nodded, then noted, "Oh good. Then this is my row."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
7-Eleven announced that they were celebrating 2004 by giving out free coffee to anyone who was driving on New Year's Eve.

They are also celebrating 2004 by throwing away all their sandwiches from 2002.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
The Founding Fathers were sitting around a table sometime in
1776, working on the constitution. It had been a long day.

Father 1: Whew! It's getting rather warm in here, isn't it?

Father 2: Shall I open the window?

Father 1: No, that's alright. I'll just take off my jacket, and roll up my sleeves.

Father 2: Hey, that's a good idea. Why don't we include that in the constitution?

Father 1: What? That we're allowed to take our jackets off and roll up our sleeves while at work?

Father 2: Yeah, but that doesn't sound very smooth. How about "Everyone shall have the right to bare arms?"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Jill had gotten a job in a collections department. She had to call all the delinquent customers, asking for payment, while still being courteous. After working there for a few months, she had become quite good at her job but realized that many of these customers were routinely delinquent. One man in particular had to be called every month and during this conversation with him, he interrupted her little speech and asked, "Excuse me, are you available?"

Jill quickly replied, "Not as long as your name comes up on my computer screen."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Q: Why do men name their sexual organs?


A: They don't want a total stranger making most their decisions.
******************************
That's the jokes for today.
Have a GOOD one!
Chuck .....and the Computer

C. S. ROLLASON WHOLESALERS

Like to make money from your kitchen table?
Check out our helpful sites below.... we also supply
help for established home operated businesses...

http://www.homebucks.com
http://www.future-world.com/10246.htm

The Best-Kept Secrets Revealed!
http://hop.clickbank.net/hop.cgi?crollason/aboutcom

Need Labels??? Check out my label site at:
http://chuck.clickprint.com

95 %, The highest Network Payout in the history of MLM. $95 out of $100!
$50.00 fast start bonus on every sale you make, including the first one!
Check: it out at:
http://www.goupp.com/power95/ch795

"How To Create Automatic Money Machines On The Internet" - Full 7 Letter Series - Free!
Visit Our Site To Sign Up Now:

http://www.thewarriorgroup.com/cgi-bin/a.pl?warriors&4053

Check out my Daily Journal (here’s what I’m doing.)
http://www.homebucks.com/chucks/daily.html