REMINDERS:

Winter Solstice - Tue, Dec 21 - 19 days

Christmas Eve - Fri, Dec 24 - 22 days

Christmas Day - Sat, Dec 25 - 23 days

Boxing Day - Sun, Dec 26 - 24 days

New Year's Eve - Fri, 31 - 29 days
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JOKES:
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One morning, after her husband had gone to work, his wife decided to have a leisurely bath.
She undressed and then remembered that the gas was still on in the kitchen. Wrapped in a towel, she went downstairs.

She was about to turn off the gas when she heard footsteps. She realized at once that it was the milkman since the arrangement was for him to deliver the milk to the kitchen. So she ran to the nearest door, the broom cupboard and made it just in time.

The footsteps grew louder and the door opened.
It was the man from the Gas Company who had called to read the meter.

For a moment she was speechless. Then she said, "Sorry, I was expecting the milkman."
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My phone bill was past due and I needed to change my service, so I had to visit the local telephone office. The line wasn't clearly formed, and there was an old man with a cane nearby me.

It was unclear as to who was next.

When we got to the front of the line, the man gestured to me and said, "After you."

I smiled at him and said, "No, please, after you.
I have all day."

The old man said, "No. You go ahead. My doctor says I have at least six months."
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At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to give their escorts every chance to be gallant.

"Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step around and open the door for you."
she said.

Then, returning to reality she added, "But if the big oaf is in the restaurant ordering his steak...don't wait any longer."
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"President Bush says he's going to simplify the tax code. Only the states that are blue will have to pay." –-David Letterman
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While attending college, I worked evenings at a retail store. On slow nights my co-worker Susan would often sing along with the radio while we did paperwork or restocked merchandise.

One evening as the manager was leaving I expressed my concern to him about our safety, being two women working alone at night.

"Oh, you'll be fine," he said, waving of his hand. "If you see anybody who looks suspicious, just warn him that Susan knows karaoke."
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Movie star Mary Astor claimed that fellow star Joan Crawford was on a movie set on December 7, 1941, when someone rushed into the sound stage to announce that the Japanese had "destroyed Pearl Harbor."

"Oh dear" Joan said, "who was she?"
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In a upscale department store, every night at closing time one of our customer-service representatives reminds shoppers over the public address system to finish their shopping.

One evening, a woman who had recently worked at K-mart opened the announcement by saying, "Attention K-mart shoppers..."

Quickly realizing her mistake, she tap-danced her way out of trouble by adding, "...you are in the wrong store."
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In ancient Rome, long before the advent of the Christian Bible, Romans would swear to "tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth" by placing their right hands on their testicles. It is from this ritual that we derived the term "testimony."
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Signs on a Synagogue Bulletin Board:


Under same management for over 5763 years.

Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case.

Shul committees should be made up of three members, two of whom should be absent at every meeting.

Sign over the urinal in a bathroom at Hebrew University: "The future of the Jewish people is in your hands."
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CAN YOU REMEMBER?


Can you remember when day-care centers were called home?

Can you remember when movies used to boast of being in Technicolor instead of off-color?

Can you remember when a girl's charms were hidden?

Can you remember when drug abuse was merely another dose of castor oil?

Can you remember when Christmas was so simple that one Santa Claus could work an entire town?
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I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

Elayne Boosler
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Marriage Quotes

"You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to." - Henny Youngman "Any husband who says, 'My wife and I are completely equal partners,' is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge." - Bill Cosby "A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong." - Milton Berle
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That's the jokes for today.
Have a GOOD one!
Chuck ........ and the Computer

 

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