REMINDERS:

New Year's Eve - Fri, 31 - 4 days
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JOKES:
.......
I'm so old I can laugh, cough, sneeze and pee all at the same time.
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Our boss told us that she is planning a salary raise. One of the guys asked, "When does it become effective?"

The boss answered, "As soon as you do."
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A woman was complaining to the neighbor that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice,"
said the neighbor, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out, 'Is that you, Jim?' And that cured him." "Cured him!"
asked the woman, "but how?" The neighbor said, "You see, his name is Bill."
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I looked at a pair of walking shoes the other day. They cost $120. For that kind of money I could take a cab.
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The pretty blonde cashier at the Stumpy's Grocery Store told her manager she needed some time off to rest-up because she wasn't looking her best.

"Nonsense!" he said, "You look fine!"

"No way!!!" replied the blonde. "The men are beginning to count their change now."
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Two little boys were sitting on the dock talking.


One little boy turned to the other little boy and said, "My grandfather has a wooden leg."

The other little boy replied, "So what? My grandma has a cedar chest."
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Holiday store signs spotted. . .


- At a toy store: "Ho, ho, ho spoken here."

- In a bridal boutique: "Marry Christmas."

- Outside a church: "The original Christmas Club."

- At a department store: "Big pre-Christmas sale.
Come in and mangle with the crowd."

- In a Texas jewelry store: "Diamond tiaras:
$70,000. Three for $200,000.

- At a reducing salon: "24 Shaping Days until Christmas."

- In a stationery store: "For the man who has everything: A calendar to remind him when payments are due."
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"Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas."
- Johnny Carson
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A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked out to have a talk with him.

"I've figured out your problem," he told the young southpaw. "You always seem to lose control at the same point in every game."

"When is that?" asked the kid.

"Right after the National Anthem."
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The fur began to fly when my fellow airplane passengers learned there was a chance they might miss their connecting flights out of Aspen.

When we finally landed, I found out just how nasty things got. Over the intercom, a harried flight attendant announced, "Those of you continuing on to L.A. please wait outside next to the boarding ramp and we will have a shuttle run you over."
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All in a Name . . .

Lawyer's daughter: Sue

Thief's Son: Rob

Lawyer's Son: Will

Doctor's son: Bill

Meteorologist's daughter: Haley

JCB operator's son: Doug

Hair Stylist's son: Bob

Homeopathic doctor's son: Herb

Justice of the peace's daughter: Mary

Sound technician's son: Mike

Hot-dog vender's son: Frank

Gambler's daughter: Bette

Exercise guru's son: Jim

Cattle thief's son: Russell

Painter's son: Art

Iron worker's son: Rusty

TV show star's daughter: Emmy

Movie star's son: Oscar

Barber's son: Harry
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Santa has 11 reindeer. Name them! (Kid's Answer)

Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen Rudoph (the one with the red nose) Olive (Olive the other reindeer) and Al (Then Al the reindeer loved him)
***********************************
That's the jokes for today.
Have a good one!
Chuck ...... and the Computer
 

 

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