TODAY'S JOKES 12-27-02
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REMINDERS:

New Year's Eve Tue, Dec 31 - 4 days
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JOKES:
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After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left.

Later, the wife's roommate commented, "Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine."
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Last time Bill was in the hospital, he really enjoyed himself: Patting the bottoms of the pretty nurses, offering to show them his circumcision scar, and the like. One nurse finally had all she could stand of his crude behavior and said, "A pervert like you should be living in a whore house!"

Bill grinned at her and said, "Well, it WOULD be cheaper than here, but I can't get my insurance to pay for it."
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Jill: John's really getting into the Christmas spirit.

Mary: Really? How so?

Jill: Well, last night he said, "Let's play Christmas tree. You wrap yourself in lights, and I'll turn you on!"
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As you sit there today pondering Christmas and perhaps thinking of the bills, look at it this way -- think of all the garage sales you helped provide merchandise for.
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Pregnancy Dictionary

cravings--an excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy.

dilation--one of those things a pregnant woman has to take her doctor's word for.

elastiphobia--fear of making it into the Guinness Book of World Records for "Most Stretch Marks."

first trimester--the first three months of pregnancy when you wonder, "Is it too late to hire a surrogate mother?"

maternity clothes--what a pregnant woman wears to show people there's a reason she's fat.

miracle--1 the birth of a baby. 2 The fact that you lived to tell about it.

obstetrician--the doctor who tells you you're doing fine when you think you're caught in the jaws of death.

pregnant pause--the amount of time it takes for a nine-month pregnant woman to get out of a chair.

prenatal--when your life was still your own.

pushing--the final effort to get a ten-pound baby through an opening the size of a dime.

second trimester--the time when you ask the question, "Will my husband notice if I eat this gallon of ice cream and side of beef before he gets home?"

third trimester--the final months of pregnancy when you wonder, "How much longer can I keep from waddling?"
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Q: What is it about the Navy and submarines that women love so much?
A: Is it the concept of a long, hard cylinder filled with seamen, or is it the concept of a sailor going down for three months at a time?
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Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?.
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PLEASE, SANTA:



The Santa Claus at the mall was very surprised when a young lady about twenty years old walked up and sat on his lap.

Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, "What do you want for Christmas?"

"Something for my Mother, please." said the young lady.

"Something for your Mother? Well, that's very thoughtful of you,'' smiled Santa. "What do you want me to bring her? "

Without blinking she replied, "A son-in-law!"
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Christmas Tip

If you're singing Christmas songs on your neighbor's lawn at night with your church group, it's called "caroling."

But if you're doing it alone with no pants on, it's called "drunk and disorderly."
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A farmer is milking his cow and as he is milking, a fly comes along and flies into the cow's ear. A little bit later, the farmer notices the fly in the milk. The farmer says, "Hmph, In one ear and out the udder."
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Three rich guys were telling each other what kind of antique auto they were going to give their girl friends for Christmas.

One guy said, "I'm going to give my girl a Kaiser and surprise her."

The next one said, "I'm going to give my girl a Frazier and amaze her."

The third guy said, "I'm going to give mine a Tucker..."
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That's the jokes for today and for this week.
Have a GREAT Weekend!
Chuck ........and the Computer

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