REMINDERS:

Veterans Day - Fri, Nov 11 - 2 days

Thanksgiving Day - Thu, Nov 24 - 15 days
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JOKES:
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Fall is when the leaves on the trees know their usefulness is done and they depart gracefully.
Politicians should be made to watch and learn.
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The NAACP sent an agent to Alabama to check the progress in integration of churches. After a few weeks of checking around, he called head-quarters to file his report. "How about the Catholics?" asks his boss. "The Catholics are doing okay; they got the right idea." "What about the Methodists?" "They've come a long way,"
says the agent. "They're doing just fine." "And the Baptists?" asks the boss. "I just want to know one thing," he says... "When they baptize you, how long are they supposed to hold you under?"
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Halloween is when people try to frighten you into giving them goodies. In some ways it's a lot like government.
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After I was born, the doctor sent my father a bill for $500. I don't know why, Mom and I did all the work.
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A California cosmetic surgery practice is opening a new office where breast augmentation surgery is done on an outpatient basis in about 30 minutes.

... They are going to call the practice "Jiffy Boob."
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My sister decided to have a Halloween makeup booth at the local mall, but couldn't think of a catchy name for it. However, when the day arrived and I was helping her to set up, she handed me a bowl of candy kisses and a banner that read: KISS AND MAKE UP.
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Spring is when a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love. For most young men, so are summer, fall, and winter.
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I dressed my three-year-old, Allison, as a clown one Halloween and took her trick or treating to my friend Lucy's house. She wasn't home, so her boyfriend said he'd take a photograph of Allison to show her. He had trouble finding the camera, and when he finally did, he mentioned that Lucy was always hiding things. I joked that the difference between men and women is that men call it hiding while women call it putting away. "I found it," he smiled, "in the bathroom sink."
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"A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween." (Erma Bombeck)
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My parents took great pride in creating wonderful Halloween costumes for my brother and me. One year they made us cloth- covered wire-frame pumpkin suits. As our family size increased, there was less time for creativity and the pumpkin suits were recycled for a number of years. Finally my brother and I refused to go out as pumpkins one more time. My mother grabbed two green garbage bags, cut the appropriate holes and pulled them on over the wire frames.
"There," she said. "Now you're squash."
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On our anniversary, my wife told me, "I know I married you for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, but I've changed my mind, I'm ready now for better and richer."
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As we went from door to door on Halloween night, people always commented on my three sons’ costumes. "You’re the Black Knight," they said to ten-year-old Tom, wearing his chain mail, sword and breastplate; "And you’re Dracula," to my youngest son, five-year- old Chris; and to my middle son, Nathan, dressed in his toga and vine-leaf wreath, they said, "You must be Caesar." "No," he corrected, "I’m Zeus."

After this happened a number of times, Chris said, "People think Nathan’s a salad cause you made him wear those leaves on his head."
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I went to the ballet last night and I saw girls dancing on their toes. Why don't they just get taller girls?
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I asked the three children I baby-sit what they had dressed up as for Halloween the rainy night before. "Betty was a princess," four- year-old Will said, "and I was a baseball player." I asked what two-year-old Sam's costume had been.
"Sam was a raincoat."
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My husband, Richard, and I and our two girls recently moved to a new town. We decided to take the girls to a Halloween party at the local community center. Richard was talking to a new acquaintance and later introduced me to him. As we were leaving, Richard shook the fellow's hand and said, "Nice to meet you, James."

"That's Benjamin," he replied. "And don't worry. I couldn't remember your name either."
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"This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part?
With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him!" (Conan O'Brien)
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Doll makers in England have created the Dungeon Doll. It's based on Barbie but is dressed in a short rubber skirt and fishnet stockings. Mattel is suing the company for copyright infringement, but Ken couldn't be happier.
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As the editor of two weekly newspapers, I rely on a fax machine to receive dozens of community submissions each week. But I had to wonder once about how some people view this part of the information highway when I received a three-page faxed news release, accompanied by a hand-written cover sheet: "Please do not hesitate to call me should you not receive this information."
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"A house is never still in darkness to those who listen intently; there is a whispering in distant chambers, an unearthly hand presses the snib of the window, the latch rises. Ghosts were created when the first man awoke in the night."
(J.M. Barrie)
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Hey men! Did you notice due to all the recent health issues, that the government is forcing condom manufacturers to print security identification numbers on the condoms?

No? I guess you didn't roll them down far enough to see them. But then you must have different problems to worry about.
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BE CAREFUL HOW YOU DRESS...


It is said that to meet a witch you have to put your clothes on wrong side out and you have to walk backwards on Halloween night. Then at midnight you will see a witch.
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That's the jokes for today.
Have a GOOD one!
Chuck ....... and the Computer
 

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