REMINDERS:

Winter Solstice - Wed, Dec 21 - 22 days

Christmas Eve - Sat, Dec 24 - 25 days

Christmas Day - Sun, Dec 25 - 26 days
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JOKES:
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A birth control pill for men, that's fair. It makes more sense to take the bullets out of the gun than to wear a bulletproof vest.
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"Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see." (Mark Twain)
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Today we are afraid of simple words like goodness and mercy and kindness. We don't believe in the good old words because we don't believe in good old values anymore. And that's why the world is sick.
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Three men appeared before Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. He asked the first man, "What was your annual salary?" "$500,000," the first man replied. "I was a trial attorney."

Saint Peter asked the same question of the second man. "$200,000," the second man replied. "I sold real estate."

Saint Peter then asked the third man the same question. The third man's answer was $5,000."
Saint Peter said, "Cool! What instrument did you play?"
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Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.
Joseph Barth After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her. - Mark Twain (Adam, in Adam's Diary)

I first learned the concepts of non-violence in my marriage. - Mohandas K. Gandhi Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets. - Ogden Nash
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Some guy broke into our house last week. He didn't even take the TV. He just took the remote control. Now he drives by and changes channels on us.
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Quick Quotes

"You usually know who's going to win pro-wrestling--the guy with the best nickname.
Here, from Philadelphia, comes the iron man, Mike 'The Hammer' Armstrong, and his opponent, all the way from Scranton...Eugene!"
--Dan Wilson While my third-grade class was completing a writing exercise, one of the students asked me how to spell "piranha." I told him I was unsure.
To my delight, he went to the dictionary to solve his problem. That's when I overheard another pupil say to him, "Why bother to look it up? She doesn't know how to spell it anyway."
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I was driving home from work when, out of nowhere, a bird slammed into my windshield.
The poor creature got its wing stuck under the windshield wiper, so I tried to get it loose by turning on the switch. On the first upswing of the wiper, the bird flew off, slamming into the windshield of the police car behind me.

Immediately, the cop pulled me over. He walked up and told me he saw what happened. "I'm going to have to write you up," he said, "for flipping me the bird."
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It was a really nice day, right about dusk, and a Piper Malibu was being vectored into a long line of airliners in order to land at Kansas City.

KC Approach: "Malibu three-two-Charlie, you're following a 727, one o'clock and three miles."

Three-two-Charlie: "We've got him. We'll follow him."

KC Approach: "Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu, eleven o'clock and three miles. Do you have that traffic?"

Delta 105. Long pause followed by a thick southern drawl, "Well, I've got something down there. Can't quite tell if it's a Malibu or a Chevelle though."
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"My wife insists on turning off the lights when we make love. That doesn't bother me. It's the hiding that seems so cruel."

Jonathan Katz .
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"Feminists miss the big picture. They want us to be concerned about the fact that Barbie, if she were a real woman, would have no internal organs because her waist is too small. I say, Barbie's got nothing to complain about in the missing organ department, compared to Ken."

Cathryn Michon
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No book has yet been written in praise of a woman who let her husband and children starve or suffer while she invented even the most useful things or wrote books, or expressed herself in art, or evolved philosophic systems.
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A young lad is caught stealing soap from the local soap factory. When the case comes to court the judge decides to make an example of him to discourage other youths from a life of crime.

Judge: "Well, what have you to say in your defense?"

Boy: "Only that I'm sorry your honor."

Judge: "Hrmph. I sentence you to 10 years hard labor, starting immediately."

Boy: "But sir, it was only a few bars of cheap soap!"

Judge: "Consider yourself lucky... It could have been life boy."
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have a lady audiologist and she is quite nice.
While checking my equipment in her office she kept saying "bear with me. Bear with me" Finally I said "Are we going to take out clothes off?" She gave me a puzzled look and said "No!" So I reminded her that she kept saying "bare with me?"
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We were taking an elderly couple home and there was this terrible smell. We thought the old guy had shit himself. After we dropped them off the smell was still there. We needed milk so stopped at a convenience store. My wife went in to get the milk and on the way out noticed dog shit on her shoes. She threw the shoes in a garbage can and kind of cried all the way home. I had a good laugh but got in trouble for it.
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That's the jokes for today.
Have a GOOD one!
Chuck ....... and the Computer
 

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