REMINDERS:

Thanksgiving Day - Thu, Nov 24 - 1 days

Winter Solstice - Wed, Dec 21 - 28 days
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JOKES:
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It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
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My dog is so lazy that he waits for another one to bark and then just nods his head!
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The sermon went on and on and on in the heat of the church. At last the minister paused and asked, "What more, my friends, can I say?" In the back of the church a voice offered earnestly, "Amen!"
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Two rabbis - one Reformed and the other Orthodox - were discussing their respective congregations one day.

The Reformed rabbi asked the Orthodox leader, "Why don't you let the men and women of your congregation sit together, as they do in my temple?"

The Orthodox rabbi - known for his sense of humor - replied, "If you want to know the truth, I don't really mind them sitting together at all. But, you see, my sermons aren't that interesting and I just can't have them sleeping together"
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"When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." (President Teddy Roosevelt)
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As any gossip can tell you, secrets are the only things that circulate more rapidly than money.
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College prepares the young adult for the business world. It teaches one how to sit and look interested for fifty minutes.
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At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge. The judge said, "State your name, occupation, and the charge." The defendant said, "I'm Sparks, I'm an electrician, charged with battery." The judge winced and said, "Bailiff! Put this man in a dry cell!"
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The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout.

Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!!
Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus."

"Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?"
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"I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go in the other room and read a book." ~ Groucho Marx ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Don’t be angry just because another may think that he is better than you; after all what goes on inside of his head is his concern; what you allow to go on inside of your head is your concern.
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They've put warning labels on liquor. " Caution:
Alcohol can be dangerous to pregnant women."
Did you read that? That's ironic. If it weren't for alcohol, most women would never be that way.
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The last thing I needed to worry about while serving with the UN forces near Croatia was trouble with my wisdom teeth. After a week of agony in my jaw, I went to our camp dental unit.
My jaw was examined, X rays were taken, and about ten minutes later the dentist returned and stated: "Five others have seen me with the same symptoms. Stay away from the local bread!"

He was right.
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My brother, a retired clergyman, is often contacted by funeral directors on behalf of bereaved families who have no church connection. On a visit to a grieving widow, he outlined the funeral service and asked if she might like to request a favorite hymn. "Oh, yes,"
she answered, "could we have 'Bye Bye Sweetie'?"

Years of pastoral training and experience helped my brother maintain his decorum. He gently asked the widow where she had heard this "hymn," which, he admitted, was unfamiliar to him.

"When I was a little girl," she explained, "I really liked to hear them singing that hymn."

A moment's puzzled reflection brought inspiration: the hymn, remembered from childhood, must surely have been "In the Sweet By and By."
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Tidbit of Wit

Why is it that the best neighbors in the world are always the ones who just moved away?

BUMPER STICKERS: "I know what you're thinking... Shame on you!!"

Analogy found in High School paper. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
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Jennifer cried as her five-year-old daughter Maddie boarded the school bus for the first time.
"Mommy, why are you crying?" asked Maddie.
Jennifer, a pilot for a commercial airline, replied, "Because it's your first solo flight away from the nest." Maddie, looking stylish in her hot-pink, high-top tennis shoes and matching book bag, said, "Don't cry, Mommy. I'm going first-class."
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Women's Golfing Terms

Double Bogey 'Casablanca' followed by 'African Queen.' Iron What guys need to learn to do their own shirts.

Good Lie Weight on their driver's license.

Greens Lunch we eat when we'd rather have a cheeseburger.

Hole-In-One Time to get new pantyhose.

Fairway Splitting the bill when the girls go to lunch.

Shaft You watch the kids while he gets to go golfing.

Slice 'No thanks. Just a sliver.' Water Hazard 1Giving the kids too much to drink before a road trip.

Chipping Time to get our nails done again.
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Did you hear about the new principal who's been keeping the boys on their toes?

He raised all the urinals six inches.
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A man was appalled when he sat down to pay his family's February bills. "I guess I've just encountered the ghost of Christmas past," he mused.
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We were in an unfamiliar town, had only ten minutes until the funeral we had come to attend was to begin and had no idea where the home was. My husband dashed into a lumberyard to ask for directions, and one man volunteered to lead us there. As we pulled in behind his car, we knew we had the right guide: His licence plate read, NOS ALL.
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"A train smashed into my bicycle, and I didn't even get hurt."

"Why not?"

"My brother Dave was riding it."
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"Waiter! There's a cockroach in my salad!"


"Please don't shout, sir. Or else the other customers will be asking for one, too!"
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That's the jokes for today and for this week!
Have a Happy, Wonderful Thanksgiving weekend!!!!
Chuck ........ and the Computer
 

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