REMINDERS:

Thanksgiving Day - Thu, Nov 24 - 2 days

Winter Solstice - Wed, Dec 21 - 29 days
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JOKES:
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At my parents' 50th wedding anniversary, my Dad was reminiscing about their courtship and marriage. "We didn't have much money," he told us, "and I had to decide whether to buy a new tire for the car or a marriage license." After a pause he continued, "I think I made a good investment, because the tire wouldn't have lasted 50 years."
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Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.
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When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence. When men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.
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When long hair on men was the style, my husband, a naval officer, was kidded unmercifully about his short hair by his identical but long-haired twin brother, Matt. One day Matt, a civilian, arrived for a visit. He was outside when my next-door neighbor, a petty officer near retirement, arrived home. Although they had never met, Matt, always friendly, went over to say hello. The petty officer looked at him in amazement and blurted, "Where on earth, sir, did you get that absolutely ridiculous wig?"
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Every now and then my family shakes all the change from our piggy bank and rolls it up. The pig sits empty until our pockets and purses overflow again. Shortly after "rolling day," we had a contractor over to give us estimates on some renovations. As we began to talk about money, our young daughter brought conversation to a halt. "Mommy, does this guy know we don't have a single penny in the bank?"
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"Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." (Sam Ewing)
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CDC WARNING

The Center for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of bird flu.

If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment immediately:

1. High fever
2. Congestion
3. Nausea
4. Fatigue
5. Aching in the joints
6. An irresistible urge to crap on someone's windshield.
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"The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball."
(Doug Larson)
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One morning while sitting in front of the mirror getting ready to go to work I said to my husband, "Honey, have you noticed how big my ears are?".

Without missing a beat he replied, "They match your mouth".
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If people looked like their passport pictures, few nations would let them in.
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Teacher: Do you believe in sharing, Alex?


Alex: Yes, ma'am.

Teacher: What's something you share with your brother?

Alex: Our parents.
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I was in a packed elevator when it stopped. The doors opened and a young fellow hesitated, obviously trying to decide if there was enough room for him. Someone at the back called out, "Maximum capacity 16."

The young man's face brightened. "Good, I'm only 15," and in he squeezed.
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Part of my job in a government office was to train the staff in the use of a worldwide computer network, a fast and inexpensive long-distance communication that avoided the more expensive phones, facsimile machines and postal service.
Workers receive the communication on their computer screens seconds after it is sent and can reply immediately. My first "letter"--a survey--was transmitted to all staff, asking about their modems, computers and software, and encouraging them to use the network. I expected to receive electronic replies by the end of the day. However, after waiting a few days, I was dismayed to receive a phone call from one of the regional staff. "I'm phoning to let you know I read your mail three minutes after you sent it,"
he told me. "I'll fax you my answer as soon as I print out the survey and write up a reply."
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All this talk about sex, all this worry about sex, big deal. The sun makes me happy. I eat a good steak, it makes me happy. I sleep with a good man, he makes me happy.
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"Today is Election Day. In New Jersey they're voting for governor. As we speak it is way to close – not the race, but New Jersey I mean."
--Conan O'Brien

"The rioters are said to be upset because they are immi- grants who have been treated poorly by the French. What? French people treating foreigners rudely? I can't believe that!" --Jay Leno

"Regis Philbin and Donald Trump have recorded a CD full of Christmas music. It's doing very well overseas. The police in Paris are using it to disperse rioters." --Dave Letterman
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That's the jokes for today.
Have a GOOD one!
Chuck ..... and the Computer
 

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