REMINDERS:

Thanksgiving Day Thu, Nov 27 - 8 days
**********************

JOKES:
..........
A new, inexperienced waitress said she was concerned about being able to carry the heavy trays and serve from them. A co-worker explained that there were tray stands placed throughout the restaurant.

The nervous beginner served all her lunches successfully and afterward asked an elderly couple if everything had been all right.

"It was fine, dear," replied the man, "but my wife and I have to leave now. Could she please have her walker back?"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
My husband had lost 50 pounds and after eight years of being a housewife, I had taken a job in a restaurant.

When I returned home after my first day at work, I gave my husband a big hug.

He seemed to cling to me longer than usual.

"Did you really miss me that much today, dear?" I asked.

"No," came the reply.

"But you smell so much like pancakes that I hate to let you go."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I sat there waiting for my new doctor to make his way through the file that contained my very extensive medical history. After he finished all 17 pages, he looked at me and said, "You look better in person than you do on paper."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Now that lawyers can advertise, says a reporter, you had better brace yourself for the following pitch from one who specializes in divorces: "Satisfaction guaranteed or your honey back."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
When I was a kid, we walked 10 miles to school every day, sometimes in the rain or snow. Man, did we feel stupid when we found out there was a bus.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Our five-year-old son Mark couldn't wait to tell his father about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed.

In the middle of the telling him, my husband interrupted Mark, "What caused the submarine to sink?"

With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Dad, it was the 20,000 leaks!"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
During WWII, an American Army Captain stationed in England met and fell in love with a British Lieutenant in the WRENS. After a whirlwind courtship, they became engaged and his fiancé wanted him to spend the weekend at her parents' home in the country so they could meet him.

When they arrived at a huge estate, a Rolls Royce was parked in front of a circular driveway with a staff of a dozen maids, butlers, gardeners, etc., standing at attention awaiting their arrival. It was obvious to the Yank that his fiancé was no ordinary Brit, but of the nobility. Her parents were absolutely taken by her choice of a husband and a delightful weekend was enjoyed by all.

When the Yank returned to his headquarters outside London, he went to the British liaison officer's office, explained what had happened, and asked what the proper protocol would be for him at the wedding.

"At the wedding, pretty much the same as your American weddings, I would say, but a bit more elaborate. The big difference would be after the wedding. You will both have connecting rooms in the Claridge. You will both go to your separate rooms, where you will bathe, apply cologne, put on your pajamas and robe, and go to the door connecting your two rooms. You will rap on the door. She will answer, 'yes,' and you will say, 'I offer you my honor.' She will respond, 'I honor your offer'. That is your permission to enter her room. After that, it's honor and offer all night."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets.
That's how I lost my mind.

No one has a better command of language than the person who knows just when to talk and when to be quiet.

The big thing today is computer dating. If you don't know how to run a computer it really dates you.

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I was sitting behind an enthusiastic mom at my son's Little League game. Her boy was pitching for the opposing team, and she cheered as he threw wild pitch after wild pitch. The poor kid walked every batter. It was only the first inning, and the score was 14-0. Then one batter finally smacked the ball.

"Oh, no!" the mom wailed. "There goes his no-hitter!"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
When Stevie Wonder took the stage at the Kennedy Center, President Bush waved to him. Realizing his faux pas, President Bush turned to his wife and said, "Oh my God, do you think he saw that?"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Vikend said, 'When you reach your 50's you must learn to grow old with grace.' Frank said, 'That's great! Bring her over and let's see what she looks like.'
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
My ex-husband and I fought constantly.
Why I married him, I'll never know.
For all those miserable years I said My hubby has got to go!

Tried poisoning cakes, stripping his brakes, Salting his pork chops with lime.
Wiring his chair, igniting his hair Even though playing with fire is a crime.

But I failed at each plot 'til I suddenly thought Of a way that would set me free!
I got rid of him for good and, know what?
They couldn't do a thing to me!

I took him back to Wal-Mart!
They'll take anything back you know!
They said they couldn't recall selling him, But they must have if I said so.

They just credited him to my Visa and said, "Y'all come back now, 'ya hear?"
They were so nice, polite, pleasant and insistent, I took back his mother the next year!

They'll take anything back at Wal-Mart, Though it's broken or rotten or sweet.
And know what else? This time of year You don't even need a receipt!
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
You see an awful lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.

Erica Jong
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
"If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." ~ Aristotle Onassis
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Mike says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women."

"Yeah? What happened?" asked Tom.

Mike replies, "Well, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
If the plural of mouse is mice, shouldn't the plural of spouse be spice? (How would that sound? "A dozen men and their spice went on a camping trip." Hmmmm.)
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Here are some signs that you, yourself, may be a redneck Pagan...

If your ceremonial garb consists of cut-offs and a tube top, or if you think a "family tradition" is a dating club...

If you've reached the 3rd degree but not the 3rd grade, or if your coven's secret names for the God and Goddess are "Cooter"
and "Sweet Cheeks"..... You may be a redneck Pagan.

If your ceremonial chalice says "Budweiser" on it...

If chewing tobacco is considered a sacred herb...

If your circle dance includes the words "dosey-do", or if your altar pentacle is a photo of John Wayne's star on the Hollywood "Walk Of Fame"..... You may be a redneck Pagan.

Now if your coven chose it's High Priest at a belching contest, or if they chose their High Priestess at a wet t-shirt night...

If your anointing oil smells like "Old Spice"...

If you have ever refilled your chalice from a keg... you may be a redneck Pagan.

If your Goddess picture says "Miss September" at the bottom, or your God statue looks a little too much like Elvis Presley...

If you have ever written a spell on the back of a Denny's menu...

If you have ever canceled a coven meeting to watch Pay-Per-View wrestling on TV... you may be a redneck Pagan.

If your children and your dog have the same magical name (Skeeter!
Get on over here and cast this circle!)...

If your cakes and ale consist of moonpies and a cold "Bud"...

If your coven sword says "Power Rangers" on it... You may be a redneck Pagan!

If your Book Of Shadows has a picture of Kyle Petty or Dale Earnhardt on it...

If your divination kit consists of a picture of Dionne Warwick and a 1-900 number...

If your idea of a pilgrimage to a sacred circle is going to the Indy 500.... you're probably a redneck Pagan...

Now if your ceremonial head-dress has a bill and says "Chevrolet"
on it...

If your Sabbat Queen's head-dress is made out of those little nylon flowers the veterans hand out in front of the supermarket... you're probably a redneck Pagan...

If you chose "Jim Bob" or "Stormin Normin" as a magickal name...

If you think charging is done with a Master Card...or if your Balefire says "Coleman" on it... you might be a redneck Pagan...

Now, if your covenstead says "Winnebago" on the side, you're NOT necessarily a redneck Pagan, but if your covenstead's up on blocks, well......

Now if your Goddess visualizations look too much like Pamela Anderson.....

If your initiatory ordeal consisted of being blind-folded with a confederate flag and leg-wrestling...

If your idea of a Pagan festival consists of a tailgate party and tickets to the superbowl...

Or if your ceremonial chants are by Garth Brooks... you're probably a redneck Pagan...

If your coven's guided meditations start out with a burger at "Hooter's"...

And finally, if you have ever called the National Enquirer because you raised a potato that resembled the Willendorf Goddess, or if you have EVER worked love magick on livestock...

...AND FAILED....
You are definitely a Redneck Pagan!
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I always wondered why we don't celebrate Thanksgiving with a pinata. I think it would be fun to cook up a big turkey, fill it with mashed potatoes, stuffing, and gravy and then tie it to the ceiling and bash it with a stick until all the goodies fall out for the kiddies to grab.
*******************************
That's the jokes for today.
Have a GOOD one!
Chuck .....and the Computer

 

C. S. ROLLASON WHOLESALERS

Like to make money from your kitchen table?
Check out our helpful sites below.... we also supply
help for established home operated businesses...

http://www.homebucks.com
http://www.future-world.com/10246.htm

The Best-Kept Secrets Revealed!
http://hop.clickbank.net/hop.cgi?crollason/aboutcom

Need Labels??? Check out my label site at:
http://chuck.clickprint.com

95 %, The highest Network Payout in the history of MLM. $95 out of $100!
$50.00 fast start bonus on every sale you make, including the first one!
Check: it out at:
http://www.goupp.com/power95/ch795

"How To Create Automatic Money Machines On The Internet" - Full 7 Letter Series - Free!
Visit Our Site To Sign Up Now:

http://www.thewarriorgroup.com/cgi-bin/a.pl?warriors&4053

Check out my Daily Journal (here’s what I’m doing.)
http://www.homebucks.com/chucks/daily.html