TODAY'S JOKES 11-17-05
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REMINDERS:

Thanksgiving Day - Thu, Nov 24 - 7 days
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JOKES:
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Murphy's Laws

Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upwards from the floor-especially in the dark.
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The word "aerobics" came about when the gym instructors got together and said, "If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it 'jumping up and down.'"
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School days can be the happiest days of your life ...if your kids are old enough to attend.
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Getting older, everything gets worse; except forgetfulness... That gets better.
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I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on.
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"Always behave like a duck; keep calm and unruffled on the surface But paddle like the devil underneath."
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"Gas prices are affecting my sex life. With prices over $2 a gallon, I only date women in a
5-gallon radius." (Paul Rodriguez)
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Even in a pile of manure, a flower will grow. Even in a pile of manure, a flower will grow.
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A woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence - serving its purpose without obstructing the view.
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I believe the second half of one's life is meant to be better than the first half. The first half is finding out how you do it. And the second half is enjoying it.
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Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play hockey, soccer, or any physical sport?"

"No. I play bridge with my wife.""No. I play bridge with my wife."
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Proud and pleased as she could be, the new, young bride, Mrs. Stanford Strothers, strode briskly up to the teller's cage at the bank to cash her husband's pay check for the first time.

When the teller told her the check would have to be endorsed, the bride grabbed the pen and unhesitatingly wrote on the back, "I heartily recommend my husband, Stanford Strothers."
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Lola is on the phone, "Hello? Pizza Shack? Do you have anything on special?"

From the other end of the line comes, "Yeah, our veggie haters delight. It has twelve kinds of meat and five different cheeses.

Lola asks, "Does anything come with that?"

"A coupon for WeightWatchers."
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If life imitated television, teenagers would be twenty-five, Mom would be thirty, and Grandma would be thirty-three. Are there any real people left?
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vQ. What do you call a camel with no humps?


A. Humphrey
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A remedy for the common cold suggested by Dr.
Richard Gordon, from the "Atlantic Monthly":

At the first sign of a cold, go to bed with a bottle of whiskey and a hat. Place the hat on the left-hand bedpost. Take a drink of whiskey and move the hat to the right-hand bedpost. Take another drink and shift the hat back again.
Continue this until you drink the whiskey but fail to move the hat.

By then, the cold is probably cured.
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"Don't be fooled by the calendar. There are only as many days in the year as we make use of.
One man gets only a week's value out of a year while another man gets a full year's value out of the week." (Charles Richards)
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That's the jokes for today.
Have a GOOD one!
Chuck ...... and the Computer
 

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