REMINDERS:

Veterans Day - Fri, Nov 11 - 1 days

Thanksgiving Day - Thu, Nov 24 - 14 days
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JOKES:
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A family of seven came to my newly opened studio to have their portrait taken. I tried to make them smile, but I was nervous and so were they.
At one point I noticed the boy of about five was cut off from my viewfinder. "Could you move a little closer to your mother's side?" I asked him.

"That's not my mother!" he exclaimed. "That's my grandmother." At that they all smiled, and I got the perfect shot.
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Bathing suits don't shrink in water. They shrink when they're stored in the closet during the winter.
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"I've had it with my wife." said the one drinking buddy to the other. "I'm filing for an divorce."

"Sorry to hear that pal." said his partner. "May I ask why?"

"I found her supply of birth control pills." said the first.

"Listen Frank, with all due respect to your religion, I just can't see leaving your wife for what the Church says is a sin."

"It ain't just that." stormed Frank. "I had a vasectomy over five years ago."
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Although I had kept my weight gain to the minimum recommended by my doctor, one day during my eighth month of pregnancy, I felt particularly large and unattractive. My husband lovingly reassured me that he thought I was more beautiful and attractive than ever. "Do you really mean that?" I questioned. "How can you say that now that I have a basketball belly?"

"Easy," he replied with a grin. "It's my basketball."
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Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles.
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"The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing." (Phyllis Diller)
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Spiral staircases in medieval castles run clockwise. This is because all knights used to be right-handed. When the intruding army would climb the stairs they would not be able to use their right hand which was holding the sword because of the difficulties in climbing the stairs.
Left-handed knights would have had no troubles except left-handed people could never become knights because it was assumed that they were descendants of the devil.
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Barbers don't charge me for cutting my hair.
They charge me for searching for it.
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I think all this talk about age is foolish. Every time I'm one year older, everyone else is too.
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When I was in eleventh grade, my family moved to the country from Philly. Although my new school's ethnic makeup was very different from the multicultural atmosphere I was used to, I thought I fit in quite well. One day, however, I was surprised when a student remarked that I had an accent and asked, "Are you an exchange student?"

"Yes," I replied, "I'm from the city."
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A few years ago, Hugh Hefner found the woman he'd been looking for all his life, and he got married. A woman he could cherish for the rest of his life - and then she turned twenty.
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A guy's life can be described as a train on a railway track. When they are 20, Every station they want to stop.

When they are 30, They can only stop at one station.

When they are 40, They want to stop but they are not allowed to stop.

When they are 50, They want to stop but they cannot stop.

When they are 60, Forget about stopping, they can't even start
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The 12 Days of Halloween...


On the twelfth day of Halloween,

My good friend gave to me, Twelve cauldrons bubbling,

Eleven bats a swooping,

Ten goblins gobbling,

Nine wizards whizzing,

Eight brooms a flying,

Seven spiders creeping,

Six owls a screeching,

Five cooked worms,

Four giggling ghosts,

three fat toads,

Two hissing cats,

And a vulture in a dead tree.
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Early Christmas is great for kids. They can sit on Santa's knee, tell him they've been a good little boy, then go home and have three months of hell-raising before the presents arrive.
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Top Ten Dumb Guy Tips For Avoiding The Bird Flu
10. If you have a chicken, check for swelling in the McNuggets.

9. Fill birdfeeder with Sucrets.

8. Go back to the old Y2K bunker, start drinking.

7. Avoid birds that look like they're up to something.

6. Move to a place where there are no birds, like the moon!

5. Anti-bacterial smoothies.

4. Stay away from basketball great Larry Bird.

3. Frighten birds by constantly meowing.

2. Don't lick unfamiliar pigeons.

1. Before eating chicken, soak it in Lysol.

[From the Late Show with David Letterman]
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That's the jokes for today.
Have a GOOD one!
Chuck ...... and the Computer
 

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